Author Topic: Just a joke  (Read 53623 times)

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babywhales

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Just a joke
« on: November 02, 2007, 11:44:05 AM »
 
Maybe It will make you smile or even better laugh.


A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later
a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll Down
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You got Male!
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

weeze

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #1 on: November 02, 2007, 03:20:40 PM »
I am stunned, STUNNED I say!
PORSCHE =there is NO substitute!

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2007, 03:13:52 PM »
HER DIARY:

Tonight:  I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to
meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day
long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but
he made no comment on it.  Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested
that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk.  He agreed, but he didn't
say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, "Nothing."  I asked him
if it was my fault that he was upset.  He said he wasn't upset, that it had
nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.  On the way home, I
told him that I loved him.  He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I
can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you,
too."  When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if
he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and
watched TV.  He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with
silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later,
he came to bed.  To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made
love.  But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were
somewhere else.  He fell asleep - I cried.  I don't know what to do.  I'm
almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. 

My life is a disaster.


HIS DIARY:

Missed a big deer today, but at least I got laid.
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

LennG

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2007, 07:38:48 PM »

 That ones been around for a while under several different sports and themes, but it's always good to rehash it. thanks BW.
I HATE TO INCLUDE THE WORD NASTY< BUT THAT IS PART OF BEING A WINNING FOOTBALL TEAM.

Charlie Weiss

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2007, 11:04:35 PM »
 A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.
They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.

The husband asked, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why, yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

To which she responded, "Three years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

To which she replied, "31 years old."

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?"
 
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

LennG

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2007, 04:04:56 PM »
A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the 19th
century sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham Young, the
founder of the Mormon church.

Woman: "Are you Brigham Young?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the
Mormon church?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to
Utah?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all Christian
religions as false except Mormonism?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Now she's really getting mad.

Woman: "Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?"
Brigham Young: "I am."

Then furiously in anger, she says.......

Woman: "You ought to be Hung!"
Brigham Young: "I am!"
I HATE TO INCLUDE THE WORD NASTY< BUT THAT IS PART OF BEING A WINNING FOOTBALL TEAM.

Charlie Weiss

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2007, 08:28:22 AM »
       
      Subject: Vets School

       First-year students at Auburn University 's Vet School were receiving their
       first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the
       surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
 
       The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is
       necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that
       you
       not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.
 
       For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in
       the
       butt of the dead cow, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth.
 
       "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students
       freaked
       out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a
       finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on
       it."
 
       When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them "The
       second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger
       and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
 
         -- "Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2007, 04:56:46 PM »
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

GiantFan67

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2007, 08:41:04 PM »
Subject:Depressed

I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
 
Got a call center in Pakistan.
 
I told them: "I am  suicidal".
 
They got all excited and asked: "can you drive a truck?"


LennG

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2007, 09:45:16 PM »

 I still like that one Tom.  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I HATE TO INCLUDE THE WORD NASTY< BUT THAT IS PART OF BEING A WINNING FOOTBALL TEAM.

Charlie Weiss

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2007, 08:31:24 AM »
Traffic Question


Most men will get this right!





Q: You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted,
and come upon a bicycle rider.
Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles,
or do you break the law and pass?





Which is the correct choice?
 






Scroll down...













 
A: Why take unnecessary risks...


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“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

Jim143

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2007, 12:08:13 PM »
Very true - in this case, why take unnessary risks . . . but what if the one partially obstructed by the pole (right side of photo) was on the bike in front of you?
"I'm just a nobody looking to stand in GOD's shadow" and try to live up to what is right and moral, I'm not Left or Right or any position, I believe in in the power of the holy spirit and prayer. I am not an angel, however I try to be as true to the rules of GOD and his son."

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2007, 01:13:16 PM »
one partially obstructed ....?   
                                               What?????

pole.....?
                   What??????

I am confused by your comments
I can only see one thing.  I must stay focused.........safety first.
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2008, 09:12:42 AM »
THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Imagine that!  Found by who?

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Must not of wiped!!

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works!!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Brilliant Deduction!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft

Only after his peers referenced the precednet setting case of "who ever smelt it delt it"

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
One way for the Administration to cut those negitive educational numbers by 50%

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
 /???

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S

babywhales

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Re: Just a joke
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2008, 10:08:21 AM »
The Art of Cropping



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“The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”– G.B.S