Big Blue Huddle

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee

SERVICE: "Ridge Hall computer assistance, may I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

SERVICE: "What sort of trouble?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

SERVICE: "Went away?"

CUSTOMER: "They disappeared."

SERVICE: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

CUSTOMER: "Nothing."

SERVICE: "Nothing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

SERVICE: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I tell?"

SERVICE: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "What's a sea prompt?"

SERVICE: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

CUSTOMER: "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

SERVICE: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

CUSTOMER: "What's a monitor?"

SERVICE: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a T.V. Does it have a little light that tells you when it is on?"

CUSTOMER: "I don't know."

SERVICE: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, I think so."

SERVICE: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

CUSTOMER: "Yes, it is."

SERVICE: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

CUSTOMER: "No."

SERVICE: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

CUSTOMER: "Okay, here it is."

SERVICE: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

CUSTOMER: "I can't reach."

SERVICE: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

CUSTOMER: "No."

SERVICE: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

CUSTOMER: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

SERVICE: "Dark?"

CUSTOMER: "Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

SERVICE: "Well, turn on the office light then."

CUSTOMER: "I can't."

SERVICE: "No? Why not?"

CUSTOMER: "Because there's a power failure."

SERVICE: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUSTOMER: "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."

SERVICE: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

CUSTOMER: "Really? Is it that bad?"

SERVICE: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

CUSTOMER: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

SERVICE: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

OH MY

Message:

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,





HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not ' EASY ' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. He does not have a ' BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'


2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'


3. He does not ' GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He
' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'


4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in
'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'


5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
(Loved this one!)


6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'REAR CLEAVAGE.

One night this guy and his date were about to go into his apartment, but
before he could open his door she said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a
man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
The guy says, "Well, give me some examples."
The girlfriend proceeds to tell him, "Well the first way is, if a guy
shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he
is a rough lover and that isn't for me.
The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the
hole then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."
"Very interesting," said the guy.
Then she asked, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"
He then proceeded to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick
the lock."

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:


"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.


Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"


After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

Funny thing is, I can see it happening. 

good one. I have not heard THAT one. 

 Good one Chris. You should post that on the main board also. I think many would enjoy it.

A Southern wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting-firewood power, she dragged him by the willy down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his hoo ha in a vice, then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, 'Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?'

The wife put the saw in her husband's hand and said...... 'Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire. You do whatever you want.'

Len  (kind of figured, right)

March 13

Nassau County, NY  (ex of my beloved Brookly,, then Queens)

REally some great memories. (and somethat were not so great, but they ARE our history)

Husband and wife are shopping in Walmart when the man picks up a caseof Budweisser and sticks them into the cart






'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife






'They're on sale, only
$10.00 for 24 cans', he says






'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...






A few aisles later the woman picks up a $30.00 jar of Olay face cream and sticks it into the cart.






'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,






'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.






The man replies... 'So does 24 cans of Budweisser and it

Welcome Jerry. Like Sam, we were almost neighbors. I live in
West Hempstead right now, and spend many hours in Levitown. But, unlike you guys, I stuck out the garbage here and have remained.  (LOL )
Again, welcome to our boards.

How long did you live in Levitown??> Did you play any baseball there, at amateur level or school ball. If so,. I might know you??

Why some women are like bowling balls:

First, they get picked up,
then fingered,
then thrown in the gutter
and they keep coming back for more!
===

 What us men have to put up with

===============================================

Morris  returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has  told
> him that he has only 24 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Given  the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. 
>
> 
> 
> Naturally,  she agrees, so they make love. 
>
> 
> 
> About 6  hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  you know I now have only 18 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Could we  please do it one more time?' 
>
> 
> 
> Of  course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. 
>
> 
> 
> Later,  as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch 
>
> 
> 
> and  realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. 
>
> 
> 
> He  touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  please... just one more time before I die.' 
>
> 
> 
> She  says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time. 
>
> 
> 
> After  this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. 
>
> 
> 
> Morris,  however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns,  until
> he's down to 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> He taps  his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> Do you  think we could...' 
>
> 
> 
> At this  point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, 
>
> 
> 
> I have  to get up in the morning... you  don't.'