Big Blue Huddle

 Good one Chris. You should post that on the main board also. I think many would enjoy it.

A Southern wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With super-human strength, borne of fury, and cutting-firewood power, she dragged him by the willy down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed out back of the barn.

She put his hoo ha in a vice, then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up an old carpenter's saw. The banged up cheater was terrified, and hollered, 'Stop! Stop! You're not gonna cut it off with that rusty saw, are you?'

The wife put the saw in her husband's hand and said...... 'Nope. I'm gonna set this old shed on fire. You do whatever you want.'

Len  (kind of figured, right)

March 13

Nassau County, NY  (ex of my beloved Brookly,, then Queens)

REally some great memories. (and somethat were not so great, but they ARE our history)

Husband and wife are shopping in Walmart when the man picks up a caseof Budweisser and sticks them into the cart






'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife






'They're on sale, only
$10.00 for 24 cans', he says






'Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping...






A few aisles later the woman picks up a $30.00 jar of Olay face cream and sticks it into the cart.






'What do you think you're doing?' asks the man,






'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.






The man replies... 'So does 24 cans of Budweisser and it

Welcome Jerry. Like Sam, we were almost neighbors. I live in
West Hempstead right now, and spend many hours in Levitown. But, unlike you guys, I stuck out the garbage here and have remained.  (LOL )
Again, welcome to our boards.

How long did you live in Levitown??> Did you play any baseball there, at amateur level or school ball. If so,. I might know you??

Why some women are like bowling balls:

First, they get picked up,
then fingered,
then thrown in the gutter
and they keep coming back for more!
===

 What us men have to put up with

===============================================

Morris  returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has  told
> him that he has only 24 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Given  the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. 
>
> 
> 
> Naturally,  she agrees, so they make love. 
>
> 
> 
> About 6  hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  you know I now have only 18 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Could we  please do it one more time?' 
>
> 
> 
> Of  course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. 
>
> 
> 
> Later,  as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch 
>
> 
> 
> and  realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. 
>
> 
> 
> He  touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  please... just one more time before I die.' 
>
> 
> 
> She  says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time. 
>
> 
> 
> After  this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. 
>
> 
> 
> Morris,  however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns,  until
> he's down to 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> He taps  his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> Do you  think we could...' 
>
> 
> 
> At this  point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, 
>
> 
> 
> I have  to get up in the morning... you  don't.' 

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan .
I told them I was suicidal..........

They got all excited
And asked me if I could drive a truck.

Dealing With The Burdens Of Life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Are you smarter than  a 4th grader?????????????


How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.
























The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?














Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?





















Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?




















Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Now THAT I like.

Could just as well insert any of a few teams in there and send it off to many fans. 

The teacher, Ms. Pelzner, was very curious about how each
> of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
> Patrick Murphy.
>
> "Tell me Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" she
> asked.
>
> Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Pelzner, me and
> my twelve brothers and sisters go to the Midnight Mass
> and we sing hymns, and then we come home very late and
> we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
> stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for
> Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
>
> "Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what
> do you do at Christmas?"
>
> "Well, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom and
> Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.
> We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up
> our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus
> to bring our presents."
>
> Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not
> wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
> "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
>
> Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad
> comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls
> Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get
> inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to
> sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go
> to the Bahamas."
>

I second Terry's welcome. Who cafres what sex you are, all that counts is the Giants fan label.

You sound about my age, and if you nwere a Giants fan all that time, you go back to the days when most here just don't remember. But we have quite a few 'oldies but goodies' here, so you definately will fit right in.

Again, welcome.  Where are you from, then and now????

RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR  EVERYONE

One day, while going to the  store, I passed by a nursing home.  On the front lawn were six old ladies  lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit  unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed  the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying naked on the  lawn.

This time my curiosity got the  best of me and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.   "Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front  lawn?"

"Yes," she said.  "They're  retired prostitutes--they're having a yard sale."

RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR  EVERYONE.