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#661
The Front Porch / Re: Just a joke
February 02, 2010, 02:31:51 PM
Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.



When he bent down under the table to pick them up he noticed Bob's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced..



Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.



She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'



After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.



Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.



When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.



Jim quickly dressed and left.



As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'



With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'



Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'



Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.'



Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'



Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !
#662
BBH Archive / Re: Pick the points (Superbowl)
January 28, 2010, 08:13:55 AM
63
#663
BBH Archive / Re: Pick the points (Week 3)
January 19, 2010, 08:34:57 AM
Indianapolis- NY Jets- 37
New Orleans- Minnesota- 51
#664
BBH Archive / Re: Pick The Points (week 2)
January 15, 2010, 01:44:41 PM
New Orleans- Arizona- 55
Indianapolis- Baltimore- 45
Minnesota- Dallas- 45
San Diego- NY Jets- 43
#665
BBH Archive / Re: Pick the Points Tournament
January 09, 2010, 08:50:22 AM
NY Jets At Cincinnati   x
Philadelphia At Dallas  45
Baltimore At New England  37
Green Bay At Arizona  47
#666
The Front Porch / Re: Just a joke
January 05, 2010, 06:55:58 PM
LOL....or this one.



[attachment deleted by admin]
#667
BBH Archive / Re: Pick 3 Underdog week 17
January 01, 2010, 12:13:21 PM
NE  -  16
NO  -  7
Phil  -  3
#668
My deepest condolences to his family.  This is very sad news.
#669
BBH Archive / Re: Pick 3 Underdog Week 15
December 16, 2009, 03:30:03 PM
Buffalo 
Dallas- 7
Jacksonville 
#670
BBH Archive / Re: Pick 3 Underdog Week 14
December 11, 2009, 08:21:14 AM
Cincinnati-
Seattle-
Miami- 2.5
#671
BBH Archive / Re: Pick 3 Underdog week 13
December 04, 2009, 07:00:26 AM
Cleveland- 0
Washington- 0
Atlanta- 0
#672
BBH Archive / Re: Pick 3 Underdog week 12
November 24, 2009, 07:07:00 PM
Tampa Bay- 24
Cleveland- 14
St Louis- 3
#673
The Front Porch / Re: Just a joke
October 19, 2009, 09:38:19 PM
**********************************************************

Not sure if these are actually true or not, but they're funny nonetheless.

**********************************************************

These are  from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.




ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your  husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS:  He said, 'Where am I,  Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?
WITNESS:  My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY:  What gear were  you in at the moment of the  impact?
WITNESS:  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS:  No, I just lie  there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis, does  it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it  affect your memory?
WITNESS:  I forget..
ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give  us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter  has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS:  We both  do.
ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?
WITNESS:  We do.
ATTORNEY:  You do?
WITNESS:  Yes,  voodoo..
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor , isn't it true  that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:  Did  you actually pass the bar  exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  The youngest son, the  20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:  He's 20, much  like your  IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your  picture was taken?
WITNESS:  Are you shitting  me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  So the date of conception (of  the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS:  Yes.
ATTO RNEY:  And what were you doing at  that time?
WITNESS:  Getting  laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?
WITNESS:  Yes..
ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?
WITNESS:  None.
ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?
WITNESS:  Your Honor, I think I need a  different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage  terminated?
WITNESS:  By death.
ATTORNEY:  And  by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:  Take a  guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS:  He was about  medium height and had a  beard.
ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS:  Unless the Circus was in town  I'm going with  male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this  morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to  your attorney?
WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to  work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Doctor, how many of your  autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS:  All of them.. The live ones  put up too much of a  fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be  oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:  Oral..
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that  you examined the body?
WITNESS:  The autopsy started  around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the  time?
WITNESS:  If not , he was by the time I  finished..
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a  urine sample?
WITNESS:  Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And  last:
ATTORNEY:  Doctor , before you performed the autopsy , did you check for  a pulse?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check for  blood pressure?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  Did you check  for breathing?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  So , then it  is possible that the patient was  alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS:  No.
ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure , Doctor?
WITNESS:  Because his  brain was sitting on my desk in a  jar.
ATTORNEY:  I see , but could the patient have still been alive , nevertheless?
WITNESS:  Yes , it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
#674
BBH Archive / Re: Pick Three Underdog Week 6
October 17, 2009, 09:16:19 PM
Baltimore
Chicago
Denver
#675
I've read enough here to convince me that we shouldn't be worried about merging. I say go for it.   :yes: