Big Blue Huddle

1. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit at least one strip club.
2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
3. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
4. All beds have special odd-shaped sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
5. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
6. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you through it.
7.The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
8. You rarely need to reload your gun, and if you do, there will always be more ammunition on you - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
9. You're very likely to survive any dire situation unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your wife or child back home.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
11. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince and squirm when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
12. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
13. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet or the cash in your pocket as you take out a bill at random and hand it to the driver. It will always be the exact fare.
14. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
15. When being chased always climb to the top of the highest building from whence there is no escape.
16. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even though their husbands and children never have time to eat it.
17. Cars that crash will most likely blow up and burst into flames.
18. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective.
19. It is always possible to shoot door locks or padlocks off without the ricochet killing you or your companion
20. Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright in a sitting position and pant.
21. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25. A black guy will usually be the first to die.
26. Girlfriends tend to be 9

this made me laugh.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Quote from: Jolly Blue Giant on June 06, 2022, 06:39:43 PM
1. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit at least one strip club.
2. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
3. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
4. All beds have special odd-shaped sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
5. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
6. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you through it.
7.The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
8. You rarely need to reload your gun, and if you do, there will always be more ammunition on you - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
9. You're very likely to survive any dire situation unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your wife or child back home.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
11. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince and squirm when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
12. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
13. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet or the cash in your pocket as you take out a bill at random and hand it to the driver. It will always be the exact fare.
14. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
15. When being chased always climb to the top of the highest building from whence there is no escape.
16. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon, and waffles for their family every morning even though their husbands and children never have time to eat it.
17. Cars that crash will most likely blow up and burst into flames.
18. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective.
19. It is always possible to shoot door locks or padlocks off without the ricochet killing you or your companion
20. Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright in a sitting position and pant.
21. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
23. It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
25. A black guy will usually be the first to die.
26. Girlfriends tend to be 9

Might as well add a few more

If you hear a noise in the basement, grab a stick and go investigate all by yourself
Remember, if you hear an explosion, always walk calmly away and never look back
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.
No matter how slow zombies walk they will always catch up.
The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.
A candle or table lamp can light a whole room and at night time
There appears a very slow bar saying

Hahaha, love it and so true.

I will add onto #7
(The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.)
No matter how old the building this same ventilation system will appear brand new.
No dust, no dirt, no cobwebs and no bugs. And and it will always be big enough for our hero to crawl comfortably thru!

Great lists guys. Very funny!

Quote from: ozzie on June 06, 2022, 09:13:32 PM
Hahaha, love it and so true.

I will onto #7
(The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.)
No matter how old the building this same ventilation system will appear brand new.
No dust, no dirt, no cobwebs and no bugs. And and it will always be big enough for our hero to crawl comfortably thru!

Great lists guys. Very funny!

There was dirt in the ventilation system in "Die Hard."

(https://i.postimg.cc/T34z6m4n/istockphoto-1148803945-612x612.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)

Could add a few more I learned growing up watching movies

- anyone can hotwire start a modern car by simply pulling a couple of wires from under the dash and drive away  =)) (no car post 1990 can be hotwired)
- picking locks is as easy as sticking a couple of shims in the hole and wiggling it
- handgun goes off in a car and no one acts like they just lost their hearing for the next 5 minutes
- if a girl is pissed off, just kiss her and all will be well and she'll melt in your arms
- you can jump out of a hospital bed after being in a coma for months to fight like hell and then drive away to fight more (Kill Bill)
- no house ever has clutter or is messy, even when there is no maid
- if you suspect danger, go straight for it and not go for help
- if you are involved in a crime or witness a crime, turn on a TV anytime, anywhere and there will be a relevant news story on it at just the right time
- no woman has ever said no to sex because of her monthly
- you can get a taxi within 2 seconds of needing one
- when getting a beer at a bar, you don't have to wait and you don't have to tell the bartender what kind of beer you want, just "gimmee a beer" and he won't ask what kind and just fetches one
- if you are between the ages of 25 - 35, you can play the part of a teenager in school and no one can tell
- when going into a basement suspecting there is danger, don't turn on the light
- sex always ends with simultaneous climax
- if you are in a hurry to get away from pending danger, your car won't start
- it's normal for teens have parties when their parents are out with hundreds of kids taking over the house
- when revealing shameful secrets to someone in the bathroom, there is always someone in a stall that overheard it
- you can just stick a thumb drive in a computer to get all the necessary information in under a minute
- if you are white and walk into a bar/nightclub that is filled with blacks (or vice versa), a record will suddenly scratch and stop and everyone will look at you
- if you run out of bullets, just throw away the gun
- apartments for commoners in NYC tend to be large
- if you fall several stories out of a window, balcony, or roof, thank heavens there's a dumpster to break your fall so you won't be hurt
- all you need to crack a safe is a stethoscope...if you don't have one, turn a glass upside down and put your ear to it
- helicopters in movies will eventually explode
- if you are cool and you just created a huge explosion, you will walk away without looking at what you just did

These are hilarious!!!  =)) =)) =))

after all my decades as an EMT (finally retired) I will share what I can tell you is different in real life than the movies:

1)  you can't knock people out.   That is a troupe for TV and movies where you hit someone on the head and they remain unconscious for a period of time.  Any head injury with a loss of consciousness (which usually is very brief) is a serious head injury

2) most ERs don't even notice you when you bring in a patient.   The exception is if you have a badly injured patient and you take them to a trauma center.   The better trauma patients dealing with a seriously injured patient will create the look you see on TV and in the movies.

3) we rarely allow "guests" in the back of an ambulance when we transport a patient (the exception being a parent when the child is a minor or law enforcement if the patient is in custody or might be dangerous).

4) defibrillators do not make a loud noise when you shock a patient.  The patient may move from the shock but there is no loud clunk

5) if the patient is flat-lined on the EKG you can't and don't shock them.   The defibrillators are intended to correct ventricular fibrillation (which creates a pattern on the EKG) to reset the rhythm.  It doesn't "jump-start" the heart. 

6) once CPR is started it's not stopped unless a doctor pronounces (even paramedics need to coordinate with a physician).  We don't start CPR for a few minutes and then decide it's not going to work and stop.  Depending on the situation we will stop if they started with a flat-lined patient and a physician concurs but most of the time once CPR is started it's not ended until the patient is in the ER.

7) Ambulances don't (or shouldn't) drive like maniacs especially when they have a patient.  The idea is that the treatment is ongoing since the scene and driving like a crazy person make it hard for treatment to continue.   In fact an amblunance will drive extra slow when doing CPR (unless they have one of those automatic CPR machines)

That's very interesting Rich (BTW, you do an important service for which I tip my hat and thank you). Especially surprised about no.5 and for the life of me, I would have expected a "thump" when someone gets shocked from a defibrillator. My belief in the thump comes directly from watching movies!

Quote from: Jolly Blue Giant on June 08, 2022, 10:23:03 AM
That's very interesting Rich (BTW, you do an important service for which I tip my hat and thank you). Especially surprised about no.5 and for the life of me, I would have expected a "thump" when someone gets shocked from a defibrillator. My belief in the thump comes directly from watching movies!

I will say the "CLEAR!" part is accurate, you don't want to be touching a patient who is being shocked

If you are driving the wrong way on a highway, you will NOT crash into any other cars, no matter how crowded that highway is, and they are all doing 65 MPH.

No matter how dead the bad guy is in those slasher movies, he will always not be dead to attack our hero again.

Females from 'olden' times always have the perfect makeup on

In older westerns, no matter how many times a guy gets into fights, falls off his horse, rolls over tables, he never loses his hat

In all types of movies, westerns, crime, war, the nice buddy, the guy who talks all the time, will always get shot and die.

All secret agents can disable a guy with one karate slap to the neck

In westerns, ever notice that when they 'tie' up their horses, they simply just throw the rope over the board and the horse never tries to wander away.

If you are a cop and are chasing a bad guy, never call for backup, just go at it alone. AND if you send your partner around to the back, you know he is about to get killed.

And speaking about cops, why are most cops, except for our hero, portrayed as useless or morons or lazy.

Those are great Lenn. I've often wondered myself why the horse stays when his reigns are just thrown on the hitching post. Of course, they are very well trained horses. I've had three horses in my life and all three of them would walk away, except Rebel who would run away like his tail was on fire and be on the other side of the hill within seconds...LOL. Rebel was not a well behaved horse and lived up to his name. When my father bought him for us kids, he never bothered to ask why they named him Rebel  :laugh:

QuoteAnd speaking about cops, why are most cops, except for our hero, portrayed as useless or morons or lazy

Good question. It's not an accurate portrayal. But in Hollywood, that goes back to the days of Keystone cops and maybe the image of incompetent police officers just stuck and Hollywood just can't let it go :-??

(https://i.postimg.cc/zfLqmb96/Keystone-cops2.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)

(https://i.postimg.cc/zDw811cz/Keystone-cops1.jpg) (https://postimages.org/)

I will add one more to this growing list of education we receive from Hollywood.

You can snap/break a guys neck and kill him just by coming at him from behind and twisting his head!

Quote from: ozzie on June 08, 2022, 12:40:57 PM
I will add one more to this growing list of education we receive from Hollywood.

You can snap/break a guys neck and kill him just by coming at him from behind and twisting his head!

Ha, ha...see that all the time, just "snap it", no big deal  =))

Had to revive this thread after watching a show last night

You can suffocate a person to death simply by putting a pillow over his head...LOL.

A plastic bag over the head and secured tightly around the neck, sure...a pillow, never happen unless the person is already 99% dead and you are actually sitting on the pillow. Even then I doubt it  :no:

I'm surprised no one thought of this. If a woman is being chased by a killer or monster, she will trip and hurt her ankle.

If someone takes a shower, they will only wash from the waist up. Yuk.

Anyone coming out of a hotel in NYC and needing a taxi seems as soon as they wave their hand, magically one pulls up right there.

One thing I often wondered about is when you see a woman fighting a man.  How often do you see women fighting a man who outweighs here by a hundred pounds or more and winning (sometimes easily).   I appreciate that training in hand-to-hand and martial arts can impart an advantage but I often wonder to what degree.  It's not like the men the women are fighting are completely clueless in terms of fighting. 

In your classic movie or TV street brawl (usually involving police or some sort of special agent or a spy), how much of an advantage can training be when you have a woman (who at her size might struggle to bench press 100 pounds) have against a man who can easily bench 300 or 400 pounds?

One of the things I always cringe over, is watching the protagonist get the ever-livin crap beat out of him, taking hits that would knock out (if not put in a coma) ordinary tough men. Not once, but several times, only to find his way to come back and finish his attacker off. I never worry about the hero of the movie losing a fight, even if he takes more than 25 knockout blows and thrown onto a cement floor that crack open a head like a watermelon dropped on a sidewalk from a third story window. And the hero never loses a tooth or looks worse for the wear the following day

Quote from: MightyGiants on December 14, 2022, 12:04:38 PMOne thing I often wondered about is when you see a woman fighting a man.  How often do you see women fighting a man who outweighs here by a hundred pounds or more and winning (sometimes easily).   I appreciate that training in hand-to-hand and martial arts can impart an advantage but I often wonder to what degree.  It's not like the men the women are fighting are completely clueless in terms of fighting. 

In your classic movie or TV street brawl (usually involving police or some sort of special agent or a spy), how much of an advantage can training be when you have a woman (who at her size might struggle to bench press 100 pounds) have against a man who can easily bench 300 or 400 pounds?

Funny you should bring that up. I watched a show on ABC about 30 years ago in which people did amazing things. They had a woman (about 120 pounds) who had a black belt go up against a Golden Gloves boxer who was 6 inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. They were in a typical boxing ring. At first, the woman spun around and high kicked at the guy's head, just missing his jaw. She tried several other wild spinning and high-flying moves, while the man carefully dodged all she came at him with. Then with his first move, he simply gave her a quick left jab to the jaw, and she went to the floor like a sack of potatoes and did not get back up. She was knocked unconscious. The fight took about 1 minute, if that. She looked really impressive, but couldn't hold up to a simple jab from a professional boxer. Not knocking her because I know I couldn't take a jab from a pro boxer in my best years

Quote from: Jolly Blue Giant on December 14, 2022, 12:15:06 PMFunny you should bring that up. I watched a show on ABC about 30 years ago in which people did amazing things. They had a woman (about 120 pounds) who had a black belt go up against a Golden Gloves boxer who was 6 inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. They were in a typical boxing ring. At first, the woman spun around and high kicked at the guy's head, just missing his jaw. She tried several other wild spinning and high-flying moves, while the man carefully dodged all she came at him with. Then with his first move, he simply gave her a quick left jab to the jaw, and she went to the floor like a sack of potatoes and did not get back up. She was knocked unconscious. The fight took about 1 minute, if that. She looked really impressive, but couldn't hold up to a simple jab from a professional boxer. Not knocking her because I know I couldn't take a jab from a pro boxer in my best years

Thanks, I suspected that was how things would go.    This was under the controlled conditions of a staged match.   I have noticed in street fighting, there is often grappling and very close-quarters fighting where size and strength are kings.  Plus, most fighting competitions, from wrestling to boxing, usually involves weight classes.

That all said, I can remember one call where I was treating a man who was six foot plus and a good solid 250 who was killed by a petite woman who hit him in the head with an iron frying pan. 

Don't know if this has been mentioned already but----------------

In any sort of action/adventure movie, be it a western, a war drama, a crime story, police story, if our hero, the star, has a buddy, you absolutely know this buddy is going to die somewhere in this movie. And then our hero goes on a mazing rout of the baddies and brings justice to all.

Quote from: LennG on December 14, 2022, 04:56:39 PMDon't know if this has been mentioned already but----------------

In any sort of action/adventure movie, be it a western, a war drama, a crime story, police story, if our hero, the star, has a buddy, you absolutely know this buddy is going to die somewhere in this movie. And then our hero goes on a mazing rout of the baddies and brings justice to all.

My first thought after reading this was "Roadhouse" with Patrick Swayze - best friend and mentor Sam Elliot gets killed and sets up a rampage for Swayze to wipe out all the bad guys

Goose dies in "Top Gun"

Bubba dies in Forrest Gump's arms

Groot dies in "Guardians of the Galaxy"

Spock dies in "Star Trek II - Wrath of Kahn"

off the top of my head

 I was giving this some thought last night, discussing it with a friend and we came up with a few more 'goodies'

Shooting at a locked door and it always opens. In real life, this can never work

Whenever someone drives up to any address, even in a huge city, there is always a parking space right there

Especially in those old Kung Fu movies, they never attack the hero in force, it is always one at a time

Waking up, after a nightmare, gasping for air ??????????? Why, were you running in the nightmare?

Want to watch a certain thing on a VCR, or listen to a certain song on tape, rewind it and it always comes to that exact spot

Our hero needs some news, so he puts on the TV, and voila, that story is the one that is on right now.

So what about women--they fight, battle, run, and go out in the rain but their make-up never runs, or smears, and their hair, no matter what, is always perfect, even after that walk in the rain. 

Need a uniform for disguise, knock someone and that uniform will always fit perfectly

Remember those westerns where the horse sees a snake, rears up, and always throws the rider off in the direction of said snake

A soldier carrying a personal memento of a loved one, such as a jewelry or photo, has no chance of returning alive.

Giant mutant creatures always head for 'downtown' locations

Old men die of heart attacks and old women in their sleep.






 

I saw a show earlier that was actually "unmovie like"

To add to all the crazy things we see in movies....all you have to do to knock a guy out (no matter how big or strong) is to "pistol whip" him...instant out cold...LOL like when Wyatt Earp knocks a guy out with a quick hit to the back of the head in Tombstone

But I saw part of a movie yesterday where an idiot novice criminal wannabe, hit a guy in the back of the head to knock him out. But instead of falling out cold like every other movie, he said, "what the f.. man, that hurts". So the guy hit him in the back of the head again, and he said, "stop doing that, that hurts like a son of a b.."

That's how it would go in real life, except the guy getting hit in the head would probably beat the snot out of the idiot that hit him in the head with a gun thinking it knocks people out

 There used to be this TV show called "Banachek" where the main character was a insurance investigator. Supposedly he was a multi millionaire from solving all the tuff ones that no one else could. He travelled around in either a Bently or a Rolls, Ive forgotten which. Wherever he went in Boston, the supposed location of the series, he parked right in front of whatever building he was going to, Just pulled right up to that curb and parked, in Boston. Did this constantly. If you ever have been to Boston have you ever seen a parking space that was not in use? Another big one for this was "McMillan and wife". and that location is even more unbelievable. Pulls up to the curb wherever he goes.In San Francisco. San Francisco's last unused parking space was in 1938 when George R. Cumquat grabbed a empty space and parked his Packard in it. He was never heard from again.

Quote from: weeze on January 03, 2023, 01:08:27 PMThere used to be this TV show called "Banachek" where the main character was a insurance investigator. Supposedly he was a multi millionaire from solving all the tuff ones that no one else could. He travelled around in either a Bently or a Rolls, Ive forgotten which. Wherever he went in Boston, the supposed location of the series, he parked right in front of whatever building he was going to, Just pulled right up to that curb and parked, in Boston. Did this constantly. If you ever have been to Boston have you ever seen a parking space that was not in use? Another big one for this was "McMillan and wife". and that location is even more unbelievable. Pulls up to the curb wherever he goes.In San Francisco. San Francisco's last unused parking space was in 1938 when George R. Cumquat grabbed a empty space and parked his Packard in it. He was never heard from again.

Been to Boston many times. I park outside the city (usually a hotel where I'm staying) and take the "T" into town. I've driven pretty much every city in America. Boston is a city I refuse to drive in, let alone pretend there's some place to park where you're going. Boston is absurd. They never widened the streets while building skyscrapers, blocks are triangular and all one-way so you can never get back to where you wanted and some of the streets are winding because they built paved roads around boulders and big trees that they used to go around when horses were the mode of travel  :crazy: 

San Francisco  :no:  :no:  :no:  taxi, bus, or trolly

I think of those fight scenes where the hero is laying on the ground and the bad guy is on top choking him. The hero is always within reach(just barely) of a hard object that he grabs and hits the bad guy in the head with. If it's a zombie, it's usually a sharp object that the hero grabs and pushes it through the zombie's skull.

Speaking of zombies, how come when someone is surrounded by zombies, they never juke or zig zag their way through them. How about a body check like in hockey sometimes. Haha

Len's news one reminded me of another:

If there's someone wanted by law enforcement, that person goes into a bar and within a few seconds, his face appears on the news and someone at the bar makes the connection.

Just to continue on the "pistol whip" scenes in movies resulting in the immediate unconsciousness of the "hittee"...LOL

In this morning's news, a man pistol whipped a 57-year-old man in NYC demanding his property. Instead of falling to the ground out cold, the pistol whipped victim fought back and the guy with the gun ended up getting shot in the hand, sent to the hospital, and arrested. That is the most likely and realistic situation when someone pistol whips another guy. The guy pistol whipping the victim obviously has watched far too many movies and actually believes it's normal for people to immediately become unconscious

https://nypost.com/2023/01/07/would-be-thief-pistol-whips-man-in-harlem-cops/

It seems like whenever you see someone walking in a parking garage, they either get beat up or killed.

 In a shoot-out, the bad guy usually has more than the alloted 6 bullets and when he finally does run out of bullets, he will ALWAYS throw the gun at the good guy who ALWAYS ducks out of the way and never then shoots the bad guy. He will always end up in a fight with the baddie.

Every movie or tv show in which firearms are used, the guy always takes his handgun and shoves it in the back of his pants...what a laugh. I own a variety of handguns and have a holster for each one, even if it's just a nylon sheath to keep it from falling through my pants. If I was to put a gun in the back of my pants, it would take about 10 seconds of walking or running before the gun slid down my pants and was now resting in my crotch...something I would never want in a million years. But in movies, guys do it all the time like it's nothing..."dohhh...I'll just stick this ole handgun in the back of my pants and then run around til it goes off and blows my nuts off"

I laugh every time I see it on TV

Whenever someone points a gun at someone and the gun holder gets too close to who he is pointing the gun at, you know most of the time the unarmed person is going to disarm the gun holder.

Glad this was brought back as I was thinking of this the other day.

I had a few 'older' movies on the DVR and decided to watch and you know what several things seem to always occur. I don't know if they were mentioned already but here is what I saw

In ANY war type of movie, if a guy takes out a pix of his family, he is a goner. ALWAYS. Never carry a pix of your sweetheart, wife, mother, or kids. If you do and show it to even one person, you are dead.

In any of those crime dramas, either the good guy or the bad guy can disable or completely knock out someone with a karate chop anywhere from the neck up.

If the good guy is trying to hide something like microfilm he will put it in a place where they are sure to find it with minimal effort.

And especially in those movies from the 40s, no matter what the genre, when everyone wore hats, no matter what, fight, fall down stairs, and even in the movie I just saw, jumping off a moving train, that darn hat will never fall from their head.

To add on to what Lenn said, "if the protagonist in the movie has a loved one (wife, daughter, etc.), the antagonist in the movie will kidnap her as a last resort to defeat the good guy. Like in "True Lies" and the bad guy finds out "Harry" (Arnold Schwarzenegger) has a daughter...great movie BTW. This plot happens to Liam Neeson all the time...LOL

Storal of the morey: Don't be a hero and go after really bad guys if you have loved ones - that is your Achilles heel! And every movie exploits that little scenario. You know it's going to happen the first time the hero pulls out a picture of a loved one he misses back home