Big Blue Huddle

A good ole North Carolina boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He
brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What the hell you gonna
do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100
miles of here."

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination
to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who
inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last
day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a
good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She
claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.

"Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was
completely dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.

"On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag
our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died."

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on
the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge cedar chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."

The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directs the man to the
next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He
apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the
fellow in here just before you."

"I don't know" replies the man,......."picture this, I'm buck naked
hiding in this cedar chest....."

If you are 36, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!


But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.  You've got it so easy!  I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!  And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.  If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! 

2) There was no email!!  We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen!  Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there!  Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.  As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes!  If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!  There were no CD players!  We had tape decks in our car.  We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.  Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby!  Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!  If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!!  Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!  And then there's TEXTING.  Yeah, right.  Please!  You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was!  It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!!  You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics!  We had the Atari 2600!  With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'.  Your screen guy was a little square!  You actually had to use your imagination!!!  And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever!  And you could never win.  The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!  Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!  You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!!  NO REMOTES!!!  Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.  Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves.  If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!  Imagine that!   



     
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long.  Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort.  And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!




      And car seats - oh, please!  Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on.  If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place! 




      See!  That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten!  You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970   or any time before!

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one
morning.

The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of
breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy
level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stops at the bakery.

As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, we have a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He answered, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to that 3rd loaf,
it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this sh1t but me."

My wife and I were at home watching TV.

I had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For God's sake, leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish."

Quote from: RemembersHuff on August 13, 2010, 11:23:00 PM
The other gent with a beard, between Eddie and Steve, I also can't put a name to.

Kevin, I'm not positive but I think that's my friend Bob who rode up with me to camp that day.  He's a Giant fan of course, and can also be seen in Lenn's third picture, immediately to the right of Harry.

That's me standing between/behind Lenn and spider69.

Quote from: MightyGiants on April 13, 2010, 08:47:32 AM
Great stuff Ceri,  I could see the Giants grabbing Arthur Jones later in the draft.

Me too Mighty, if only because he went to the same HS as I did....albeit 30-some years later.   

A woman was in a coma... she had been in a coma for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there. They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little 'oral sex' will do the trick& bring her out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure; maybe she choked."

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.



When he bent down under the table to pick them up he noticed Bob's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced..



Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.



She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'



After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.



Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.



When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed.



Jim quickly dressed and left.



As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'



With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'



Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you $500?'



Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500.'



Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'



Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player !

63

Indianapolis- NY Jets- 37
New Orleans- Minnesota- 51

New Orleans- Arizona- 55
Indianapolis- Baltimore- 45
Minnesota- Dallas- 45
San Diego- NY Jets- 43

NY Jets At Cincinnati   x
Philadelphia At Dallas  45
Baltimore At New England  37
Green Bay At Arizona  47

LOL....or this one.



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