Just a joke

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Younguns won't get this, but us older chaps will 

[Ed Vette]

A friend of mine has 2 tickets for the 2023 Super Bowl. Box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations, but, he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.
If you know anyone who wants to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in New York City at 5 p.m. Her name's Brenda. She will be the one in the white dress.

[Ed Vette]

And think outside the box.

[Ed Vette]

.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags.

"Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband.

"To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!"

The man pondered that thought for a moment and then began packing his bags.

"What do you think you are doing?" she screamed.

"I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1,000 a year!"

[Jolly Blue Giant]

An old "Far Side" one. It's a little morbid, but it really made me laugh

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Hello?"

"Hi honey this is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

<Brief Pause>

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I he isn't moving either."

<Long Pause>

<Longer Pause>

<Even Longer Pause>

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

[Jolly Blue Giant]

[LennG]

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO:

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed: "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings (and her clothes) and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked,"What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching the dice."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Not all Irish are drunks.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men....are men.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking tired and destitute, so I offered her a ride. She was starving, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."

Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you won't wear because they are out of style.

She was cold, so I gave her that new birthday sweater that you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.

Her slacks were worn out, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.

Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"

"And so...here we are!"

[T200]

https://fb.watch/fU09DlboRv/

[LennG]

Saturday funnies

[MightyGiants]

True that

[LennG]

A man walked into the ladies clothing store and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
 "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?"
"Look around" said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color, and material imaginable.
Actually even with all this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from. Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied, "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"
Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple."
The Catholic type supports the masses,
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and The Baptist makes mountains out of molehills.

[MightyGiants]