Just a joke

[Jolly Blue Giant]

That last one made me laugh like crazy. Great name for a used chair store 

[LennG]

Time for some new ones (or, I hope then are new)

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Never too many blonde jokes (note, I'm blonde - well used to be, two of my children are blonde, my granddaughters are blonde, my mother is blonde, and my girlfriend is blonde...but what the hey

A ventriloquist was making blonde jokes along with his dummy. A stunning blonde was seething and stormed onto the stage.
She said with anger, "I've had enough of this crap...it so happens that blondes are very smart"
The ventriloquist replied, "I'm so sorry...these are just jokes and should not be taken seriously. I'm sorry you were offended"
She replied angrier than ever, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to him (pointing to the dummy)"


A blonde asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?"
"Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two."
The blonde said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

A blonde calls an airline and asks, "How long are your flights from America to the U.K.?"
The woman on the other end of the phone says, "Just a minute

[LennG]

 good one

[LennG]

Some 'serious' funnies

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Hope I don't get banned for this 

A family went to a nudist camp for vacation

A young boy came back to the tent and said, "Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They've got these HUGE..."

"Yes, well," his mother sniffs. "The larger they are, the dumber the woman."

Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. "You wouldn't believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE..."

"Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man."

"Really?" the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. "We might be in trouble, Mom."

"Why, honey?"

"Because Dad's out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he's getting dumber by the minute."

[LennG]

 Let's laugh today

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Those are hilarious Lenn 

[LennG]

Gas jokes

[LennG]

Senior Humor

Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it the most never use it.

I

[T200]

Senior Humor

Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it the most never use it.

I

[LennG]

You know I had that same exact thought and was going to highlight it so it would stand out above the rest.

You did it instead. 

[Ed Vette]

Putin dies and goes to hell, but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.

So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:

-Is Crimea ours?

-Yes, it is.

-And the Donbas?

-Also ours.

-And Kyiv?

-We got that too.

Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:

-Thanks, how much do I owe you?

-5 euros.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher



He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land. No questions asked or answer given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...

With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.

The officer is clearly terrified.



The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs...

"Your badge... Show him your badge!"

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer was quite taken aback and requested collateral.

"Well, then, here's a clean title and the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back.

The loan officer checked the records and told him, "That will be $5,000 in principal and $15.40 in interest."

The man wrote out a check, thanked the loan officer, and started to walk away.

"Wait sir," the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a very rich millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow such a small amount of money?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I securely park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"