Big Blue Huddle

I have a hard time believing this, so I'm going to post it in the Joke thread. A member of our spyder forum from Australia posted a scanned image of a newspaper article about this.

A married couple drove to a shopping center on a hot day. On the way the engine started making an odd noise. The husband told his wife to go on in and shop while he futzed around with the car to see if he could fix it.

When she returned a small crowd was around the car. To her horror she could see two hairy legs sticking out from under the car, and the man's junk was hanging out of his short pants because he didn't have underwear on.

To save further embarrassment she got down and stuffed his reproductive organs back up into his shorts.

Her husband, who had been standing behnind her said, "What are you doing?"

The tow truck driver who had been under the car had to get a few stitches on his forehead.

FIRST TIME SEX


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.


Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.
The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.


10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious..'


The boy turns, and whispers back,

'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide.
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Funniest story Ive seen in a long while:

MVI_3406.AVI By Jimmy Ferris Spur Texas

God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone that comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" God agreed. On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span." The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?" God agreed. On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years." The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" God agreed again. On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years." But man said, "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So, that's why, for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

A man wanted an attack dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises. After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage. "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer. "Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you." They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage. "Ah," said the buyer. "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier." "Well, no," said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you." The men continued their tour. Eventually, they came upon a fairly large dog that was lying quietly on his side, licking his butt. He did not seem to notice as the men approached. "This is the dog I had in mind for you," said the owner. The buyer was flabbergasted. "You're joking!" he exclaimed. "This dog seems quite tame. He doesn't act at all like an attack dog at all. Hell, he's just lying there, licking his butt!" "I know, I know," said the owner. "But you see, he just ate a lawyer, and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."


Just going shopping...

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She found the most perfect shoes in the first shop, and a beautiful dress in the second. She had just entered the third shop where everything had just been reduced fifty percent when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to tell her husband that she'd be there as soon as possible. When she hung up, she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever shopping in these boutiques, so she decided to just look in two or three more before heading to the hospital. Anyhow, she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself shopping, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it's likely be the last shopping trip you will ever make! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your responsibility!" T he woman felt so guilty she broke down and cried and cried. The lady doctor then laughed and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. Show me what you bought.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night. Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up next to a fat bird who was snoring and farting. At least I got home OK!!

The wife's back on the warpath again she was up for making a home movie last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next s**t could spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough

"Yeah, I am gonna be at the game, gees, I didn't get the tommee thing" grumbles the tru blu fan

We are staying at a local hotel that weekend, even though we live about an hour away. I'll need to bring something nonperishable, put me down for four!
Me, my wife Kim, Fred the sports director here for WLKY, and his friend George from FL.

As far as pot luck, Ringo says it best "No No No, I don't a-smoke it no more. I'm tired of waking up on the floor. No thank you please, it only makes me sneeze, and then it makes it hard to find the door"

The worst is the last, the red Jay Leno!

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/701450-the-50-worst-logos-in-baseball-history?utm_source=outbrain.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=bestof#/articles/701450-the-50-worst-logos-in-baseball-history

The best way to complete a regular season is to clinch on the last day, and do it by totally obliterating the Red Sux!

"I wish I could have made it this year, but my family had to come first" ruefully retorts the tru blu fan, "AND I hadda deliver a special cargo of gator squeezins to Cortland, its the only way those poor people of mine can keep from getting sick to their stomachs these days!

Its not like me to miss some trout...."

He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time.

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . .. A widow.

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Cashier says " I need to swipe your card, I said 'you're not stealing anything from me"

Different days, different vocabulary

I just met a woman with a clamshell tattooed on her thigh: when you put your ear to it, you can smell the ocean....