Big Blue Huddle

Got this one from my mom


      The day finally arrived. 
      Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
      He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and
      Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.
     
      St. Peter said,
      'Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
      We have heard a lot about you.   
      I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination
      for everyone.
      The test is short, but you have to pass it
      before you can get into Heaven.'
     
      Forrest responds,
      'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
      But, nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. 
      I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
      Life was a big enough test as it was.'
     
      St. Peter continued,
      'Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
     
       
      First:
      What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
      Second:
      How many seconds are there in a year?
      Third:
      What is God's first name?'
     
     
      Forrest leaves to think the questions over. 
      He returns the next day and
      sees St. Peter,
      who waves him up, and says,
      'Now that you have had a chance to think
      the questions over, tell me your answers'
     
      Forrest replied,
      'Well, the first one --
      which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'?
      Shucks, that one is easy. 
      That would be Today and Tomorrow.'
     
      The Saint's eyes opened wide and
      he exclaimed,
      'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but
      you do have a point, and
      I guess I did not specify, so
      I will give you credit for that answer.'
      'How about the next one?' asked St. Peter
     
      'How many seconds in a year?
      Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, but
      I thunk and thunk about that, and
      I guess the only answer can be twelve.'
     
      Astounded, St. Peter said,
      'Twelve? Twelve?
      Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?'
     
      Forrest replied,
      'Shucks, there's got to be twelve:
      January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd ... '
     
      'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
      'I see where you are going with this, and
      I see your point,
      though that was not quite what I had in mind ... but
      I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
      Let us go on with the third and final question.
      Can you tell me God's first name'?
     
      'Sure,' Forrest replied,
      'it's Andy.'
     
      'Andy?'
      exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
      'Ok, I can understand how you
      came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name
      Andy as the first name of God?'
     
      'Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,'
      Forrest replied.
      'I learnt it from the song,
      'ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
      ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
      ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.' '
     
      St.  Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said:
      'Run Forrest, run!'

L-

Got another one.

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Another one sent to me from a die hard Packer fan

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A somewhat local church

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What is the definition of a Dick Head?

































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Hears a good one..................

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Your on a roll, Lenn!!

LOL, dasher

 

A helpless Democrat

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sight-seeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10 foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a .44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp, then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic Environmental Activists, but now I've seen with my owneyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'
'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he sure don't know xxxx about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane. Shortly after take-off, the stranger turned to her and said

The whole world is backwards. I mean you've got Democrats, who are supposed to be poor, paying $5,000 an hour for sex,
and you've got Republicans, who are supposed to be rich, cruising airport bathrooms trying to get it for free

Do you know what the highest paid government position in this country is? Anybody know? It is working under New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
It pays like $5,000 an hour

Apparently Gov. Spitzer was arranging his tryst with the escort service in a Washington, D. C., hotel room. I guess this is what he meant by getting crime out of New York

More details are starting to come out about the $5,000 prostitute. Her name's Ashley Alexandra Dupre. She's a 22-year-old aspiring musician. I believe she is classically trained on the flute. When Dupre asked why she slept with New York's ex-governor, she said, 'Because New Jersey's ex-governor is into guys.

when Sen. Larry Craig heard Spizter paid up to $5,000, he said 'I would've done the guy for free -- This is more government waste. We can take care of these problems internally.' Craig added 'Its just crazy. For two quarters, I can have a pay toilet all night.'

Hillary Clinton won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas. A lot of people thought she would be done today; this would be it. But like Bill always says, 'Hillary does not go down without a fight.'

More on Eliot Spitzer, he was a Hillary Clinton superdelegate. Also, Spitzer was on Hillary Clinton's vice president list, as a possible running mate. Boy, she can pick 'em, can't she?

John McCain won the Republican nomination. He was awarded with a trip to the White House. Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race and was awarded a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.

Vice President Dick Cheney is to visit the Middle East next week. Reportedly, he's invited Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to go goat
hunting. It's called 'Middle East Surge-2;

John Kerry complained Sunday that the Clintons say simultaneously Barack Obama isn't ready to be president and he should be a heartbeat away. Kerry has endorsed Obama. Kerry wants everybody to know he voted for the Clintons before he voted against them.

Speaking of Sen. Larry Craig, he has petitioned the Minnesota Court of Appeals to allow him to withdraw his plea of guilty to charges that he solicited an undercover police officer for gay sex in an airport men's room. He now claims he was tapping his feet while rehearsing for an upcoming appearance on 'Dancing With the Stars.'

Assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian, said he's running for Congress. Congressmen in DC said that they didn't need him, because if they want to commit suicide they just need to be caught with a hooker.

Locally, Los Angeles drinking water was discovered to contain pharmaceutical drugs this week. There are female sex hormones in the tap water. Jack Nicholson became the last surviving leading man of his generation because for forty years he drank nothing but Scotch. Researchers also found antibiotics, mood stabilizers and sex hormones in the tap water. At last Roger Clemens has a defense that can get him into the Hall of Fame.

Courtesy of an email I received this morning.

Man's Best Friend




A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. 

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk,,,,, who is really happy to see you!

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

Yes,' I sighed. 'She was my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she has not been sober since.'   

'My God!' said my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
   
Now, my friends you can see, there really are two ways to look at everything.

The Art of Cropping



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