🌈Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision.
🌈When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
🌈Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough."
🌈Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done
🌈If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed. We're having a meeting.
🌈Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
🌈Today's 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
🌈Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn.
🌈So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
🌈If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
🌈Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
🌈Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
🌈You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.
🌈Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
"🌈On time" is, when you get there.
🌈Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
🌈It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
🌈Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
"🌈One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.
🌈When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
🌈Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, "Close enough."
🌈Becoming an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done
🌈If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I'm self-employed. We're having a meeting.
🌈Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
🌈Today's 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favorite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
🌈Tip for a successful marriage: Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she's mowing the lawn.
🌈So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
🌈If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
🌈Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
🌈Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
🌈You don't need anger management. You need people to stop irritating you.
🌈Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
"🌈On time" is, when you get there.
🌈Even duct tape can't fix stupid – but it sure does muffle the sound.
🌈It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
🌈Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
"🌈One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.