Big Blue Huddle

 What us men have to put up with

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Morris  returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has  told
> him that he has only 24 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Given  the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex. 
>
> 
> 
> Naturally,  she agrees, so they make love. 
>
> 
> 
> About 6  hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  you know I now have only 18 hours to live. 
>
> 
> 
> Could we  please do it one more time?' 
>
> 
> 
> Of  course, the wife agrees, and they do it again. 
>
> 
> 
> Later,  as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch 
>
> 
> 
> and  realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. 
>
> 
> 
> He  touches his wife's shoulder and asks, 
>
> 
> 
> 'Honey,  please... just one more time before I die.' 
>
> 
> 
> She  says, 'Of course, Dear,' and they make love for the third time. 
>
> 
> 
> After  this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep. 
>
> 
> 
> Morris,  however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns,  until
> he's down to 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> He taps  his wife, who rouses. 'Honey, I have only 4 more hours. 
>
> 
> 
> Do you  think we could...' 
>
> 
> 
> At this  point the wife sits up and says, 'Listen Morris, 
>
> 
> 
> I have  to get up in the morning... you  don't.' 

I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan .
I told them I was suicidal..........

They got all excited
And asked me if I could drive a truck.

Dealing With The Burdens Of Life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Are you smarter than  a 4th grader?????????????


How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.
























The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?














Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend .... Except one. Which animal does not attend?





















Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.? This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?




















Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.

Now THAT I like.

Could just as well insert any of a few teams in there and send it off to many fans. 

The teacher, Ms. Pelzner, was very curious about how each
> of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
> Patrick Murphy.
>
> "Tell me Patrick, what do you do at Christmas time?" she
> asked.
>
> Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Pelzner, me and
> my twelve brothers and sisters go to the Midnight Mass
> and we sing hymns, and then we come home very late and
> we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our
> stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for
> Father Christmas to come with all our toys."
>
> "Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown, what
> do you do at Christmas?"
>
> "Well, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom and
> Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late.
> We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up
> our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus
> to bring our presents."
>
> Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not
> wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
> "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
>
> Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad
> comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls
> Royce, then we drive to his toy factory. When we get
> inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin to
> sing, 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go
> to the Bahamas."
>

I second Terry's welcome. Who cafres what sex you are, all that counts is the Giants fan label.

You sound about my age, and if you nwere a Giants fan all that time, you go back to the days when most here just don't remember. But we have quite a few 'oldies but goodies' here, so you definately will fit right in.

Again, welcome.  Where are you from, then and now????

RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR  EVERYONE

One day, while going to the  store, I passed by a nursing home.  On the front lawn were six old ladies  lying naked on the grass.

I thought this was a bit  unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed  the same nursing home with the same six old ladies laying naked on the  lawn.

This time my curiosity got the  best of me and I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.   "Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front  lawn?"

"Yes," she said.  "They're  retired prostitutes--they're having a yard sale."

RETIREMENT IS DIFFERENT FOR  EVERYONE.

A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls
out a freezing needle to give the man a shot to numb him.

'No way. No needles. I hate needles.' says the patient.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man
again objects.'I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having
the gas mask on is suffocating to me.'

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking
a pill.

'No objection,' the patient says, 'I am fine with pills.'

The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'

The patient says, 'Wow - I didn't know Viagra works as a pain killer!'

'It doesn't,' says the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto while I'm pulling your tooth.'

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in.

It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up... you know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, "What the heck, I'll give her a call."

"Hello?" the woman says.

Wow! She sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want, baby! Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic.... but for an outside line, Sir, you need to press 9."

Just can't get enough of these two

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher. I
sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs.'
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it
classified as unskilled
labour, he gave him 80 dollars a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 dollars a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel
Fitters are skilled labour.' 'What skill?' yelled Paddy.
'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts
'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'

Glad to have another member of the 'senior' division here. There are several of us who go back to the 'old' stadium. I never saw a Giants game in Yankee Stadium LIVE, but my memories of those days are as clear now, as they were back then. (or, at least I think they are  )

The 'Perfect Password'

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, the computer advised him that he would
now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was entering by stating each letter out loud as he typed:
P...E...N...I...S

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
(keep scrolling down)



**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***

A woman sufferjet trying to convert a tribe of indians to catholocism was staying in the encampment to have a greater impact. She happens to notice an indian with a feather and inquires as to where it was from. The indian says , "Aw it because me only fuckum one squaw" A short while later she sees an indian with two and gets a similar story. So as she approaqches the chief she notices a long flowing headpiece with hundreds of feathers in it. She stops the chief and says, "Chief, where on earth did you get all those feathers?"
"Well" says the chief. "Me fuckum every squaw in the valley!"
The woman gasps and says, "How hostile"
The chief says, "Hostile,freestyle,Backstyle. Me no care." The woman says "Oh dear".
The chief quickly adds, "No deer. Ass too high, run too fast!"