Big Blue Huddle

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don"t know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
"Go get your Mother."

______________________________________________________

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her s*xual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

For our "mature" members ...

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the
85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Two drunks are drinking in a fifth story bar. After a few drinks one drunk goes over to the window jumps up onto the window ledge and jumps out the window. A few minutes later he comes walking up the steps sits back down at the bar and has a few more drinks.

He repeats this process several times and finally the second drunk turns to the first drunk and ask- "How are you surviving? This bar is five stories up. How are you not dead from jumping out that window"?

First drunk- "Oh, the way this building is built there is a updraft and with all the gasses in your body you just float right down".

Second Drunk- "I've got to try this"! Finishes his drink. Jumps off the bar stool marches over to the window. Jumps up onto the window ledge. Jumps out the window. SPLAT!

Bartender looks at the first drunk: "You know you are a complete jerk when you drink, Superman."

Quote from: Grime Time on January 30, 2012, 03:17:43 PM
Someone had to start it...  Haha..  I love my Mets we have good talent but horrible owners.  That said I sadly hope we lose every game and the Wilpons lose the team due to poor fan turnout.   I am definety not a Yanks fan but the only thing I'm jealous off is the fsct your owner actually cares about your team.   Anyways,  go Mets. Sorta.

If the wilpons were gone, this team could be great.  You still have a young base to build around, you just need the money that being in the best market should generate.  I will be hoping that the Wilpons leave and the team turns it around.  Its best for the City when both teams are good.  One of my college friends owns Third and Long, a sports bar in Murray Hill.  For his sake, I hope both teams are great.  Nothing sells beers like good games and in-city competition. 

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.
The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asked Mike...

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

________________________________________

Taking his seat on a plane one day, Robert was overjoyed to see a beautiful woman making her way toward the seat next to him. Eager to get her talking, he asked, "So where are you flying to today?"

"I'm heading for the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Las Vegas," she said with a smile.

Robert was even happier. A beautiful woman, right next to him on the plane, and she was going to a Nymphomaniac Convention!

"What will you do at the convention?" he asked, trying not to show his excitement.

"I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality," she explained.

"What myths are those?" he asked.

"Well, one myth says African-American males are the most well-endowed, when actually it is Native American men who are most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, but research shows that the best lovers are Jewish men." Suddenly she became embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I know this topic must sound a little strange. I don't even know your name!"

The man held out his hand to her. "It's Tonto. Tonto Goldstein."

________________________________________________________

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind. She had three sons and they wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.
So son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking he would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot. This parrot had been trained for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could mention any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. How useful his nearly blind mother would find that!
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."
Then she explained to her second son, "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."
Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for that thoughtful gift. The chicken was small, but delicious."

___________________________________________________


Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, "Ticket, please".
The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.
The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to ride without a ticket"? said one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see", answered an engineer.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please."

Quote from: dasher on February 19, 2012, 11:44:24 PM
WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER

Dating Service Commercial (Jon Lajoie)

Jon Lajoje is pretty funny.  He stars as Taco in the FX Network show "the League" about a group of friends who play fantasy football.  He is really funny.  He makes his money as a stand-up. I've seen him a couple/few times, he is very good. 

Quote from: goNets on February 11, 2012, 04:44:36 PM
It's been almost 7 days since the Giants have won a Super Bowl. What has TC done for us lately? I don't like the way he's handling the post Super Bowl situation. Everyone's going to be gunning for us, and I haven't heard a single word out of him about how he's preparing the team. Guy's getting way too complacent. Time to shake things up.

I am laughing my butt off.  This, my frends, is good comedy!

I doubt that I am going to the Rams Game and would certainly be open to discussing selling the tickets.  If anyone is interested, let me know.  I have 2 seats and the parking pass. 

I am trying to fix my new years plans so I can go to the cowgirls game.  but I won;t know for sure until late in the season if these are available.  Otherwise, I'm hoping to go to the rest of the games (other than the fins game, which Jim V is using my seats for).   

Quote from: dasher on May 26, 2011, 04:11:02 PM
After learning of Buster Posey's probable season ending broken leg on a collision at home plate it got me thinking. I  know it is baseball protocol for the catcher to block home plate--- but why is this legal? You can't block a runner at any other base or it would be called interference.
But why is it not only legal but encouraged at home plate?
Umpire Len, Coach Retro, or anyone-- why?

Its only legal for any fielder to block a base they are at when they are either fielding the ball or in possession of the ball.  

Here is the rule:
OBSTRUCTION is the act of a fielder who, while not in possession of the ball and not in the act of fielding the ball, impedes the progress of any runner.

Rule 2.00 (Obstruction) Comment: If a fielder is about to receive a thrown ball and if the ball is in flight directly toward and near enough to the fielder so he must occupy his position to receive the ball he may be considered

Bonds has offered to pay for college for the two kids of the Giants fan that was beaten during the Giants-Dodgers game in March. 

http://hardballtalk.nbcsports.com/2011/05/24/barry-bonds-to-pay-for-bryan-stows-kids-to-go-to-college/

While I am sure some of it is trying to earn some points with the media and the public, I think it was still a real classy thing to do. 

Well, that you think its simplistic is yet another area of disagreement. The SEC and particularly Alabama, with one of the best defenses, did notr think it was simple. They just watched it score and run up more points against great defenses in a great conferences than I thought possible.

Auburn runs an offense that is easy to run. If u think it means auburn or oregon or nevada or any other team running this offense can not produce a successful nfl qb, well I'd say you are as wrong as a human being can ever be. As for my reading too much into posts, I just read em Rich. Its only when someone disagrees with you that's its a problem. I'd bet any amount that no one but you thought my point was not appropriate. I bet every other person here, whether they agree with me or not, understands my point to be a fair point to raise. You made a post and I responded. If you don't like it when people respond to your posts, don't make posts. I for one enjoy it when someone responds to me, even when they disagree. Its seriously not cool for you to suggest my point was not a reasonable response to your thread. I thought we were about the free sharing of ideas about football.

Quote from: MightyGiants on April 25, 2011, 05:36:44 PM
Mike,
Look at the title of the thread.  I am pretty sure Grudem didn't discover what school he went through.  Rather he exposed the fact that Cam knows next to nothing about football

Oh I'm sorry, you only look at the few words in a title to see what a thread is about.  We are different in this respect.  I read a whole thread post and the entire link referenced therein to see what it is about.  and if after reading I find a point other than the thread title, I feel free to inject that into the discussion.  I think thats what makes this board great, good discussions with knowledgeable people.  You posted a quote and a link, which I read entirely and looked at entirely.  In both your quote, and more at the article, Gruden talked about the Auburn offense.  I noted that part where he asked Cam Newton to tell him what an Auburn play call sounds like. 

I then thought I would inject into the conversation what I hoped was an intelligent and well thought out point that just because schools like Auburn and Oregon run an offense that does not use traditional play calls but instead use literally giants boards with either numbers or pictures of strange things on them, does not mean that a QB for one of these schools can not be great in the NFL.  I do think Gruden feels this way, as it appears hat you do, and I respectfully disagree. 

I also think that since these types of offenses are growing in the college level, its a very good discussion to have as to whether one of these offenses can post a good QB.  Considering both of the schools I mentioned were in the national title game, both had Heisman finalists and the Oregon QB is a Heisman favorite going into the season, whether a QB from either of these schools can make it in teh nfl seems a very valid point and a natural response to your post.  Even more so because this style of offense is growing at the Pac-10 and SEC, which are pretty well known to be two of the best conference in the college game, its probable that the better HS QBs will get recruited to schools running this style of offense.

I felt it was tremendous shorting for Gruden to suggest the Auburn offense was simple and could not project a good NFL qb.  I put in my very first post that Cam Newton's real weakness may any number of things, but I think that Gruden's comments can be read as an indictment of an offense that is being mirrored "en masse" at the college ranks.  I think my point is indeed valid, and also does nothing whatsoever to contradict your opinion that Cam Newton will not make a good NFL QB.  Its exactly what your thread started with and was a fair point for me to comment on. 

Its clear that you think school matters a great deal. I do not.  I think I made a valid point, and now that I review it, hell I was even a little more articulate than I often am.  My point was a logical response to the one you made, and I dare say some people here actually enjoyed reading it and discussing it.  Having gone to Oregon, having watched every one of their games the past 15 years, being that I am flying there this coming weekend for the Spring Game to watch the offense and see how it develops without out best WR and the loss our Center, I thought I might be able to contribute something unique to the conversation, or at least from a perspective that is not common on this board.  I hope others feel that I did and my contribution was both valid, thought provoking and entertaining to discuss.   

On Cam, I will say again what I said in my very first post in this thread, he is a huge risk, with an upside somewhere higher than heaven and a downside south of hell.  I would never pick him with the first pick, but someone might.

Quote from: MightyGiants on April 25, 2011, 05:13:25 PM
Thanks Mike, this is exactly what the point of this thread was:

"I'll tell you what scares me and what should scare Carolina," said one coach Sunday evening, "and that's that (Newton) never really developed past the 'JC' (junior college) level in terms of football knowledge. At Auburn, they let him do what he wanted to do. And that's because, athletically, the guy is a Hall of Famer. But in terms of what he knows about the game and how he plays it he's still at a junior-college level."


I appreciate that you posted it.  It took character to do that.

Really, you still want to do this?  Its amazing to me that you just want to keep picking this up. 

Okay, here we go again.  Nothing I said in that post you referenced is at all different that what I have said in this entire thread Rich. 

for the last time (I hope) It is my learned opinion that CAM NEWTON is a risk.  He is not bright and in my opinion is not a good risk to take with the first pick.  It has NOTHING to do with where he went to school.  As it says, Auburn let him do what he wanted to do because, athletically, the guy is a Hall of Famer.  Auburn's decision on how to use him was guided by him just as much as an nfl team's decision to draft is guided by him. 

In terms of what Cam Newton knows about the game and how he plays, its the junior-college level.  None of this has anything whatsoever to with the school that he went to. It all has everything to do with the man who he is.  So I agree, its exactly the point of this thread.  School means nothing, the person means everything.  So I can only assume that last post means that you are finally agreeing with me.  Thanks for agreeing with me finally. Thanks.  I appreciate it. 

So to be clear,
1) Cam Newton = Bad Risk.
2) Auburn, Oregon, Nevada and now it appears Miss State and Oregon State DO NOT EQUAL Bad Risk. 

Maybe now that its clear that we agree, we can move on. 

Or maybe its clear that we disagree, and we should just agree to disagree and likewise just move on. 

More on Newton:

Quotehttp://www.cbssports.com/#!/nfl/story/14991408/panthers-passing-on-newton-or-just-blowing-smoke

If so, it's understandable: Newton had one season of success at the Division 1-A level. Granted, it was an extraordinary season, with undefeated Auburn winning the national championship, but let the record show that he threw 280 passes at the major-college level (two years at Florida; one at Auburn), compared to Blaine Gabbert's 933, Tim Tebow's 995 and Sam Bradford's 893.

Let the record also show that he ran 285 times -- or more than he threw. In Newton's Heisman Trophy-winning season he averaged 20 passes a game and 18.9 rushes per contest, and that won't ... can't ... continue in the pros, where he will face bigger, stronger and faster defensive linemen.

"I'll tell you what scares me and what should scare Carolina," said one coach Sunday evening, "and that's that (Newton) never really developed past the 'JC' (junior college) level in terms of football knowledge. At Auburn, they let him do what he wanted to do. And that's because, athletically, the guy is a Hall of Famer. But in terms of what he knows about the game and how he plays it he's still at a junior-college level."

I really don't think he will go first.  Its just too big a risk.  I started this draft season thinking the Vikings would take him.  Its amazing how he climbed. 

Quote from: bamagiantfan on April 22, 2011, 12:40:59 PM
Since some continue to point out his flaws (real or perceived), I think I'll add that some are missing Newton's biggest asset - his confidence, perhaps even arrogance.

He and Nick Fairley changed what was essentially the same team that went 8-5 the year before to a team the won the National Championship. Newton was criticized when he arrived at Auburn for calling the team a bunch of losers. To be fair, he never actually said that. What he said was that they didn't have the "swagger they needed to win in the SEC." They didn't approach the game like it was theirs to lose. He changed that locker room by single handedly taking over a game against Clemson, and following it up with a similar performance against South Carolina the next week. He continued to do that throughout the season in games against LSU, Alabama, and finally Oregon. They basically had the same season as the year before, only this time with Cam Newton. He was the difference between being 8-5  and 14-0. It wasn't just his play. His leadership was (is) a big deal.

That is an excellent point.  Cam Newton is a simply amazing player.  He talked the talk and walked the walk.  He is arrogant, and deservedly so. 

That said, I think a biiger difference between Auburn in 2009 and 2010 is the same difference as that between Oregon in 2009 and 2010, the head coach.  In 2009, both Chip Kelly and Gene Chizik (along with OC Gus Malzahn) were first hear head coaches.  It took a little bit for their offensive systems to fall into place. Both are unlike anything else in college football and both took a very long time to teach to the coaches, let alone the players. 

I can not in any way limit the impact Cam Newton had on all of college ball last season. He was as dominating a force as I have ever seen.  But Chizik and Malzahn deserve a fair amount of the credit. Without Cam, they would not have beaten LSU or bama (or the Ducks for that matter) but without Chizik and Malzahn, Newton would not have had all those holes and winded defenses chasing him down.