New to the singles scene - dates from hell (warning: long read)

[Jolly Blue Giant]

I don't know how many recently divorced, single guys are on this board, but the dating scene after you turn 40 is nothing like the dating scene one remembers from high school and college days. It's a whole different world. So I'm going to share some of my worst dates and hopefully, others will share as well. I've always thought the funniest SNL skits were the "dates from hell". Just thinking of some of them still makes me laugh...like the girl with the unibrow and Leonid Beshnev's bushy type eye brows (or in her case, eye brow) and the perpetually angry, needy, or laughing girl

Anyway, I've been single (divorced) since I was 42 yrs old (I turn 70 in a week and a half). I've been through a few bad dates in my days of re-entering the dating scene so I thought I'd share - both for laughs and to help anyone back into the scene. Back when I first found myself single again, I decided to try the new "high tech" method and try internet dating sites. It worked well if you are looking for a lot of variety and a lot of opportunities that rarely pan out to anything other than to share bad experiences. And a word of caution here, pictures lie, as do most of the write-ups that embellish the "whole package", and you don't get a feel for a person's personality on a computer screen – and man is personality important. It's a starting point though for some, but buyer beware. That sharp looking little used sports car in the ad might be filled with Bondo, have a blown head gasket, a quirky transmission that is about to go, and have a lot more miles than the 78,000 as advertised

I also tried joining a PWP club (Parents Without Partners) only to go to dances where a hundred women are laughing and dancing to the band while more than a hundred guys are standing in the corner with a long-neck beer in hand, head bowed, afraid to talk to any of the women and waiting for "I don't know what". It was almost comical to watch and sad at the same time. I discovered that it was a lot better to simply get involved with a club that aligned with my interest and not try to meet a potential partner. I joined two clubs, a ski club (which also had summer excursions like canoe trips, camping trips to the Thousand Islands, hiking, biking, etc.) I also joined a city choir because I like to sing (that didn't really get me anywhere and was short-lived). the ski club was a ball for about 12 years and I took weekend trips to Vermont, the Adirondaks, Catskills, and other places with two other busloads of mostly single, recently divorced people. I didn't join a genealogy club (one of my major interests), but did hours of research on my own and lo and behold, there are a lot more women than men with that hobby and I met a lot of wonderful women as I trekked around the country visiting historical centers, libraries, courthouse record rooms, etc.

Okay...some of my less than wonderful dates

I met this girl on-line. Long blonde hair, slender build, pretty face, no children, and a widow who lost her husband a couple years back and just looking to get back "out there". We chatted back and forth on the internet, then talked a lot on the phone, and decided to meet up for a drink. When I got there, I didn't see her anywhere because she didn't look anything like her picture. She was wearing jeans and a very low-cut blouse and was not slender...at all, and the "long blonde hair" was short and an obvious dye job because I could see at least an inch of black hair at the roots. Her picture on the dating site must have been from moe than 25 years ago. My internal alarm was blaring and I was feeling a lot of trepidation and wanted out, but I stuck it out. We finally found each other when she came up to me and introduced herself so we grabbed a table. I could tell she had already over-imbibed on a few cocktails and even before that I had already decided I didn't want to go through with this after seeing her in person, but I had driven 50 miles to get there and figured I might as well. A couple of minutes into the conversation, I asked her how she liked being back in the singles' world. She said she liked it. I asked how long before she started dating after losing her husband. She looked at me like I was from outer space and said, "what??". So I asked how long since her husband passed away. Again she looked at me like I was an alien. She said, "that XXXXXXX – he ain't dead, that piece of sh..t". Red flag, red flag – she's a bona fide liar. Then she proceeded to pull down her blouse and show me her new tattoo...completely exposing her rather large breast right there in full view...along with a sly seductive smile. My thinking was that I am in an episode of the Twilight Zone or at best, Alan Funks' "Candid Camera" and the real girl I was hoping to meet would step out to a crowd of laughter. Didn't happen. She was the epitome of trailer trash with a net spread out to catch a fish – any fish, anyway she could catch one and I was looking at the bait I didn't want a bite of. I finished my beer and told her I really had to go and it was nice meeting her. She frowned and hung onto my arm with that look, "don't go"...but I did. Practically left rubber on the highway getting out of there

Another date. Pretty face, brunette woman, who "liked fun". Picture only showed her face and in her writeup she called herself "fit and slender". Like before – internet chatter, then phone chatter, and then the meet up. We met the Olive Garden for lunch. Slender did not adequately define her figure. She was an 80 lb stick who appeared quite sickly. And she had an attitude of dire sorrow and seemed on the verge of crying. I felt bad for her because she was obviously depressed and had some deep issues. I got up to go the bathroom and when I came back, she was standing and had put on her coat. I said, "oh...you are leaving". She said, "no, I just figured you left and used going to the bathroom as an excuse to get out of here". I told her I would never do that. Anyway, we had lunch and I told her it was nice meeting her and walked her to her car. Never saw her again

One of the more recent dates (about 8 years ago now) I went on was kind of forced on me by some friends I hang out with. I was invited to a get together at a Japanese restaurant where we all sat around a hibachi dinner. Four couples plus me (the single guy) and another woman (the single woman) who I had never seen before, nor was I given a heads up that this was a setup. Everyone had a good time and decided after the meal to go out to another place for a drink or two. The woman was hard to read. I'm reminded of an episode on Seinfeld where the girl he was dating was either pretty or hideous, depending on the lighting. Regardless, we ended up going on a couple of dates, the first one very casual and short. The second one much longer and actually getting to know something about each other. Then came the sirens and the red flag. She said, "I might as well get this out there right up front...I've been married five times" (keep in mind, she is 42 years old). I didn't spit my drink out of my nose, but dang close. I put on a calm face that said, "okay" when it really wasn't. I asked her how long she had been divorced and she said, "about three months". I asked how long they were married and she said, "a few months". I asked, "what went wrong". Her reply that I'll never forget was, "I don't know, he just walked out and said 'I can't deal with this sh.t'" and she never saw him again. Anyway, that was the last time I saw her. She texted me a few times, but I didn't respond.

Anyway, that's a few of my dating stories. In the past 30 years, I've helped a lot of guys who suddenly became single and they are like whipped puppies and don't know what to do. My advice to them is to "stop looking for a woman and feeling sorry for yourself" - take up a hobby and pursue things that interest you or that you always wanted to try. Over time you will cross paths with a lot of women and if there's a spark, it will come naturally. If you're "in the hunt", it shows and you come across as desperate and that's a red flag to all women. Keep a happy disposition and just have fun without it being a search for a mate. You can try the internet dating thing at your own peril. Maybe it will work for you, maybe not. If they're on a dating site, they obviously are looking for someone that might turn into a partner. If you do put up a profile, don't overdo it by showing flattering pictures or stretching the truth about yourself. I got more hits by saying, "I like to golf – a lot, drink a few beers with friends, and absolutely hate holding hands and taking long walks on a beach – I'm self-sufficient, but not rich, and I can be an XXXXXXX at times,...etc". And don't hold a cat on your lap – sends the wrong message. A dog by your side on the other hand helps. 

I am posting this because maybe some on here can take advantage of my experiences in this life if they're thrust back into the dating scene. Since more marriages end in divorce than survive now...many will go through this...and most of them won't see it coming. I can vouch for that

I am currently at the end of a six-year relationship with my girlfriend. We are parting ways. We still care about each other and want nothing but the best for each other. Our problem: I'm twice her age. The circumstances or our meeting just kind of fell out of nowhere and we became close friends in spite of the fact that she was younger than three of my four children. She moved in with me and we've had a lot of fun together, but we knew it would never last because of our age difference. What was going to be a few months though, turned into six years. She's only 37 yrs old, pretty as can be, and has her whole life ahead of her. I told her that I don't want to waste her life walking me down the green mile, even though she says she would. So we are splitting as soon as she gets settled into a new place. We'll still see each other, but she needs to let the world know that she's single and available, something that would never happen living with me

For all you older single guys – keep your head up and good luck. My attitude is that if God wants me to have a woman, she'll drop out of the sky and into my lap. If not – I'm happy to live life just as I am - as a single. It's actually quite fun

[Ed Vette]

Any girl would be blessed to find you.

In the meantime there's a song written by a singer songwriter out of 'ol Key West and remember... nothing good happens at the Olive Garden.

https://youtu.be/4uAWRhlfUhQ

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Any girl would be blessed to find you.

In the meantime there's a song written by a singer songwriter out of 'ol Key West and remember... nothing good happens at the Olive Garden.

Thanks for making me laugh with that song. Not sure any woman would be blessed to find me. I'm old and not the young man I used to be, not to mention, I'm really set in my ways at this point in life and not malleable clay for some woman to iron out my obvious flaws

You know what they say, "marry a girl in her 20s and she has some baggage...in their 30s, they have luggage, and by the time they're 40, you need a truck to bring the baggage"...LOL. And I am fully aware that I am not without baggage myself 

[T200]

Ric,

Thanks for sharing the great stories! Sorry to see that you and your lady are splitting. Those huge age differences can be tough if both parties aren't fully committed.

Out of curiosity, it seems, from how you described it, that you're cutting her loose? No need to go into the gory details. I just get the sense that you're setting her free. No judgment, just an observation.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Ric,

Thanks for sharing the great stories! Sorry to see that you and your lady are splitting. Those huge age differences can be tough if both parties aren't fully committed.

Out of curiosity, it seems, from how you described it, that you're cutting her loose? No need to go into the gory details. I just get the sense that you're setting her free. No judgment, just an observation.

Yeah, we've talked at length about this. She deserves to live a full life and not babysitting me til the grave. She young, hot, personable, sweet and I don't want her to waste her prime years on me. She's scared to go out into the big unknown, but I know (and she does too) that it's best for her. She'll get hounded for dates because she is that cute. I've had to slap myself a few times to wake up from a dream, but it isn't fair to her. It might not seem fair to her now, but in a few years she'll know it's by far, the best thing for her. I still love her and vice versa, or I wouldn't be letting it go and would be hanging on for dear life. She needs a real life with someone at least close to her own age. She admits she has father issues after losing her father as a small child, but that's not a good enough foundation for a real relationship where two people hack out a life together and build each others' dreams. I will always be there for her if she needs me, but not getting back to the same thing we had. Great memories, great times, fun adventures together, lotsa laughs, but it's time. It always had to come to this and we both knew it when it started. We even said it was temporary, "just for a few months", but the hands of time just kept moving forward and we ignored our early plans. One person who is really happy is my ex who never approved of my relationship with her and made it very well known. And my daughters approved, but made it clear they weren't ever calling her "mom"...LOL

As for me, I've learned to embrace being single. The only thing I really miss (well, besides the obvious) is sleeping alone. I really liked having her next to me in bed every night

[GordonGekko80]

Thanks for sharing this Ric.

Some fun stories, with a sad ending I might say.

I have a great deal of respect for you and how you are handling the story with your soon to be ex-girlfriend.
Most of us would be very selfish, you are taking a different approach for the right reasons.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Had to post this. Sums up dating in your later years...LOL

[squibber]

I found my wife at the age of 38 and it was 1992.  We met through the old fashioned dating service. Clients would come into the office and go through 3 ring binders full of pictures and profiles.  You get to pick 3 prospects per month.  The funny thing is my membership expired and I gave up trying to find a girl. The owner apparently didn't pull my profile from the binder.  My current wife picked me and I decided what the heck, I like her profile.  The rest is history. She is an outgoing, kind, sensitive and easygoing. Just what I was looking for.

For the 8 years before I met her, I tried singles ads(placing ads and responding to ads) in the paper and dating services. I probably met a 100 women in that 8 years.  It didn't help that I was introverted.  I felt like they made up their mind too quickly about me and moved on.

I had plenty of meetings where you knew right away or a few minutes that I wanted to get out of there. It's a numbers game.  You have to accept the fact that you're going to have to go through some lemons to finally find someone you want to get to know better.  I learned it was better to meet someone for coffee and keep it to no more than a hour.  That helps to prevent burnout.

I met one woman that was pretty but she was sad. She was going through a divorce and her husband would not leave the house. I'm sure that kept a lot of men away. I wanted to see her again but I didn't want to get involved with that. A year later she answered another anonymous ad that I placed so her lack of luck must have continued.

I met another woman at a coffee shop and she was severely hunched over and limping. She had a severe stroke from taking birth control pills in her early 20's.  I felt sorry for her but I just wasn't interested.

So I would say take a break and give it another shot. Know that you will have to spin the wheel of fortune a bunch of times but the payoff is worth it.  There aren't a lot of quality guys out there so if a quality woman finds you, she will feel like the luckiest person on earth.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Thanks for sharing your story, Lou. I've befriended so many guys in my lifetime that have re-entered the dating scene and struggle with depression and definitely have a lack of self-confidence. In most cases, I was able to help them move on to the next stage of their lives and get their confidence back and see the future as an opportunity. Divorce can be devastating for both sides. It's particularly devastating when the person leaving already has someone waiting for her (or him, whatever). The worst story I think I heard came from a woman friend. She was the prettiest girl in the city back in the 80s. Married the hunkiest guy in the city. They ended up having three daughters. After 20 years of marriage, she suspected her husband was fooling around. One night, she followed him from a distance to see where he was going. He went to a motel across town. She waited about a half hour before checking out what he was up to. She was shocked beyond belief when she found him with another man. Her life crashed like a torpedo landing in an armory. Took her years to pull her life together. Thankfully, she had three daughters who helped her through the hardest times

Another guy I've befriended (he's 77 yrs old) this past couple of years was married for just short of 50 years, and he was convinced they were a happy couple in an empty nest. Then, out of the clear sky, she packed up everything and took off. He was delivered divorce papers. To call it devastating to him is a huge understatement. He worked his life as an engineer for a large company and amassed a fair amount of wealth...which he would've given her all of it to stay. Nothing he could do though to convince her to stay. He went out and bought a high-end BMW (XB7) and moved to a new upper class neighborhood. But he still walked around with his head down and wasn't happy. After a couple of years, though, he is slowly coming back to his old self and is no longer depressed. The only thing he regrets is buying that expensive car and moving to an upscale neighborhood. He wishes he kept the old place where his kids grew up and where his grandkids could visit

Anyway, it's tough out there for people who are either single for a long time or "sudden single". All I can say is it isn't the end of the world. Life can be great and the ONLY person you will be with from birth to the end is yourself. If we get lucky enough to share that life with someone - temporary as it might be - it is a blessing. But in the end, it's each of us as an individual against the world, mano y mano

[T200]

Thanks for sharing your story, Lou. I've befriended so many guys in my lifetime that have re-entered the dating scene and struggle with depression and definitely have a lack of self-confidence. In most cases, I was able to help them move on to the next stage of their lives and get their confidence back and see the future as an opportunity. Divorce can be devastating for both sides. It's particularly devastating when the person leaving already has someone waiting for her (or him, whatever). The worst story I think I heard came from a woman friend. She was the prettiest girl in the city back in the 80s. Married the hunkiest guy in the city. They ended up having three daughters. After 20 years of marriage, she suspected her husband was fooling around. One night, she followed him from a distance to see where he was going. He went to a motel across town. She waited about a half hour before checking out what he was up to. She was shocked beyond belief when she found him with another man. Her life crashed like a torpedo landing in an armory. Took her years to pull her life together. Thankfully, she had three daughters who helped her through the hardest times

Another guy I've befriended (he's 77 yrs old) this past couple of years was married for just short of 50 years, and he was convinced they were a happy couple in an empty nest. Then, out of the clear sky, she packed up everything and took off. He was delivered divorce papers. To call it devastating to him is a huge understatement. He worked his life as an engineer for a large company and amassed a fair amount of wealth...which he would've given her all of it to stay. Nothing he could do though to convince her to stay. He went out and bought a high-end BMW (XB7) and moved to a new upper class neighborhood. But he still walked around with his head down and wasn't happy. After a couple of years, though, he is slowly coming back to his old self and is no longer depressed. The only thing he regrets is buying that expensive car and moving to an upscale neighborhood. He wishes he kept the old place where his kids grew up and where his grandkids could visit

Anyway, it's tough out there for people who are either single for a long time or "sudden single". All I can say is it isn't the end of the world. Life can be great and the ONLY person you will be with from birth to the end is yourself. If we get lucky enough to share that life with someone - temporary as it might be - it is a blessing. But in the end, it's each of us as an individual against the world, mano y mano

You had me at XB7!

If he's sick of it, give him my number! I'll gladly take it off his hands     

[Jolly Blue Giant]

You had me at XB7!

If he's sick of it, give him my number! I'll gladly take it off his hands     

 

[Jclayton92]

Man living in Los Angeles I've had some crazy ones being in my mid 30s. I'll share tomorrow when I have time to do so but yeah crazy stuff.