Just a joke

[Ed Vette]

.

[MightyGiants]

I liked this

[Ed Vette]

Everywhere I go, the cashier now asks if I want the receipt. There must be a huge anticipated savings in receipt paper. Especially at CVS with their 3 yards of coupons. Was a law passed in NJ to ask if the customer wants the receipt?

[AZGiantFan]

Everywhere I go, the cashier now asks if I want the receipt. There must be a huge anticipated savings in receipt paper. Especially at CVS with their 3 yards of coupons. Was a law passed in NJ to ask if the customer wants the receipt?

At the grocery store I always say "No, unless someone is going to accuse me of stealing as I leave the store".

[AZGiantFan]

[AZGiantFan]

[MightyGiants]

[AZGiantFan]

[AZGiantFan]

[AZGiantFan]

[AZGiantFan]

[Ed Vette]

.

[MightyGiants]

[AZGiantFan]

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new maternity machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. ... But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. All was going well until they arrived home and found the milkman was lying dead on the porch..

[AZGiantFan]

For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity - as well as the idiosyncrasies of English: -

1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila ...... Floor.
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
4. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?
10. Where do forest rangers go to "Get Away From It All?"
11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station toilets? Are they afraid someone will break-in and clean them?
15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
16. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
17. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
18. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines?
19. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
20. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
21. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
22. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
23. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
24. How is it possible to have a civil war?
25. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
26. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
27. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
28. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?
29. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
30. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
31. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
32. Why do shops have signs, 'Guide Dogs Only', the dogs can't read and their owners are blind?