Just a joke

[LennG]

Some 'older' funnies

[LennG]

Good one (may be old, but still funny)

[Ed Vette]

A guy is walking down the streets of Vegas as he wonders upon this beautiful Hooker. He asks her how much for a hand job? She says $500. He says, no way. No hand job is worth that. She says, come here, do you see that hotel, and the one down the street and the one two blocks further? I own those hotels because I give the best hand jobs in the city. He's says wow, ok let's give it a whirl. They go to a local hotel and he's can't believe how great that hand job was. He asks, how much for a blow job? She says $1500. He again says no way. She says, come here and look out that window to the casino across the street. I own that casino by giving the best blow jobs around. He thinks about it and decides to go for it. He's in Ecstasy and asks her how much for some pussy? She says, $5000. He says, that's crazy. She says, look out that window and what do you see? He says, You own the entire city??

She says, I would if I had a pussy.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A guy is walking down the streets of Vegas as he wonders upon this beautiful Hooker. He asks her how much for a hand job? She says $500. He says, no way. No hand job is worth that. She says, come here, do you see that hotel, and the one down the street and the one two blocks further? I own those hotels because I give the best hand jobs in the city. He's says wow, ok let's give it a whirl. They go to a local hotel and he's can't believe how great that hand job was. He asks, how much for a blow job? She says $1500. He again says no way. She says, come here and look out that window to the casino across the street. I own that casino by giving the best blow jobs around. He thinks about it and decides to go for it. He's in Ecstasy and asks her how much for some pussy? She says, $5000. He says, that's crazy. She says, look out that window and what do you see? He says, You own the entire city??

She says, I would if I had a pussy.

 

[LennG]

mid week funnies

Christmas edition

[LennG]

Ronald Reagan can still tell a joke.

I've heard this before, only not politicians, but lawyers

[LennG]

Friday funnies

[LennG]

Politicians


A politician visits a remote northern Native American reservation. With news crews following him around as they tour the place, the politician asks the chief if there was anything they need.

"Well," says the chief, "We have three very important needs. First, we have a medical clinic but no doctor to man it."

The politician whips out their cellphone, dials a number, talks to somebody for two minutes and then hangs up. "I've pulled some strings. Your doctor will arrive in a few weeks. Now what was the second problem?"

"We have no way to get clean water. The local mining operation has poisoned the water our people have been drinking for dozens of years. We've been flying bottled water in, and it's terribly expensive."

Once again,the politician dials a number, yells into their cellphone for a few minutes, and then hangs up. "The mine has been shut down, and the owner is being billed for setting up a purification plant for your people. Now what was that third problem?"

The chief looks at the politician and says, "We have no cellphone reception up here!"

 OOPS!

[Sem]

[AZGiantFan]

[AZGiantFan]

[LennG]

Weekend humor

[Ed Vette]

Woman stops 12 ft gator with .22 pistol! "Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol." Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit. This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water. It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. "If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"

[Sem]

A farmer buys a new rooster when his old one can't perform anymore.
As soon as he gets it home, the new rooster has his way with all the hens.
The farmer is pretty impressed.
After lunch the rooster has his way with all the hens again.
The next day, the new rooster has his way with all the ducks and geese.
Later that day, the farmer finds the rooster lying on the ground with vultures circling overhead.
The farmer shakes his head and says, "You deserve it after what you've done."
The rooster opens one eye and says, "Shhhh, they're about to land."



I started carrying around a stone, so I can throw it at anyone who tries to play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.
It's my jingle bell rock.



The past tense of William Shakespeare would be Wouldiwas Shookspeared.



Someone broke into my house again last night.
This time they stole 20% of my couch.
Ouch.

[LennG]

weekend funnies