Just a joke

[LennG]

Pre Thanksgiving funnies

[Jolly Blue Giant]

I post it every year, but I'll do it again just because 

[LennG]

Weekend humor

[LennG]

SEX AND THE ELDERLY....

 

The eighty-three year old lady finished her annual
physical examination, the Doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Green, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?"

 

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband, "she said.  She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:  "Bob, do we still have intercourse?" There was a complete hush - you could have heard a pin drop.

 

Bob answered impatiently, "If I told you once,  Irma, I've told you a hundred Times...What we have is


 

 

 

 

Blue Cross!"

[LennG]

Maybe to drown our sorrows

[Sem]

[LennG]

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.

 

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.

 

The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned 'This is powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.'

 

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."

 

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

 

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition because we could end up with a dangling participle.

[Ed Vette]

I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms,
please."
Lady Clerk:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?";
I said "Nah... She's pretty good  lookin'....."

When you're seventy..............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut,
you'd look all right.";
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of
you.";
Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you're seventy..............who cares?
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman
was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said,
"Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...

When you're seventy...............who cares?
*********

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
  When you're seventy...............who cares?
**********

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table..
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you're seventy..............who cares?
 

[Sem]

To get you into the holiday spirit....

[Jolly Blue Giant]

The housemaid Helen asked her boss lady for a raise.



The boss lady asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Boss lady: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Boss lady: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Boss lady: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Boss lady: "Oh."
Boss lady: "The third reason is that I am better in bed than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the pool boy did

I think she got the message across...and got a raise

[Sem]

Saw this on another site.

When Googling his name, the most important letter to remember to use is the "R"
in Gary Oldman.

[Ed Vette]

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[Ed Vette]

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[squibber]

A salesman tried to sell me a casket the other day. That's the last thing I need.

I used to work as a dolphin interpreter. The fringe benefits weren't good but I eeeked out a living.

I heard a banana a day helps cleanse the colon. I didn't know you had to eat the banana.

[LennG]

Some saved up funnies