Just a joke

[GordonGekko80]

I was reading through some Walther Matthau quotes:

"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."

"I don't mind my wife having to last word. In fact I'm delighted when she reaches it."

[MightyGiants]

[LennG]

 a few new ones

[LennG]

New day a few more cartoons that sort of say a lot

[Jolly Blue Giant]

I remember those cap guns like it was yesterday. I went through dozens (if not hundreds) of cap rolls. They have to be an antique by now and I can't imagine any store carrying them in the last 40 years or so. They were fun!

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."

"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.

"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."

[ozzie]

I remember those cap guns like it was yesterday. I went through dozens (if not hundreds) of cap rolls. They have to be an antique by now and I can't imagine any store carrying them in the last 40 years or so. They were fun!

I was coming to post the same thing. I loved those cap guns and had hours of fun with them!
And yes, I could smell that photo. What a distinct smell those burnt caps produced.

[Sem]

I remember as a kid my friend and I once put two or three rolls of caps on the sidewalk and dropped a large flat rock on them. The blast was deafening, and caused an old man to come out of his house bitching at us.

[ozzie]

That was the great thing about caps. You didn't need the gun to have fun with them or to make them work!
We must have popped off hundreds of them with rocks too. But usually just one at a time.

[LennG]

I knew that would get a few comments. We are showing our age, but who cares.

Ah, that smell. Close your eyes and take a whiff-full of memories.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Bill was running late for a very important meeting. When he pulled into the parking lot he could find no parking space. Becoming a nervous wreck now, he decided to pray. "Dear Lord, this meeting is very important to me. If you give me a place to park my car I promise to stop drinking and chasing women, and I will go to church every Sunday". At that very moment, a car pulled out right in front of the main entrance making a parking spot available. Bill said, "never mind, I found one. Amen"! 

[Jolly Blue Giant]

I preface my jokes with a sincere apology to our beloved resident lawyer, Bob. He has a good sense of humor and has probably heard these so I'm pretty sure he won't be offended 

A man went to a lawyer. He asked, "what's your fee?" The lawyer replied, "$100 for three questions," "Geesh, isn

[LennG]

 Retirement in Arizona vs. Florida


four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents." They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida.
They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price . . ."

[Sem]

Standing in line at the grocery store. Lady behind me says

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A savvy businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The businessman complimented the fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The fisherman replied that it only took a little while. The businessman then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The fisherman said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The businessman then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, se

[LennG]

Today's funnies