Just a joke

[GFICO]

A man walks into a pschiatrist's office wearing nothing but Saran wrap.

The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

Sent from my Droid Charge using Tapatalk

[dasher]

This message serves to prove how our minds can do amazing things! Impressive things! In the beginning it was hard but now, on this line your mind is reading it automatically without or even thinking about it, be proud! Only certain people can read this

OK- what kind of people Chris???? I know Weeze and Len tried but failed.

[babywhales]

This message serves to prove how our minds can do amazing things! Impressive things! In the beginning it was hard but now, on this line your mind is reading it automatically without or even thinking about it, be proud! Only certain people can read this

OK- what kind of people Chris???? I know Weeze and Len tried but failed.

Weeze stood on his head to see if it helped.  It didn't, so Betsy read it to him.   

I got it from a freind, I was going to remove the reference to sertain types of people but didn't.  I am not sure how different people actualy view it.  I suspect most will get it.

I do know the mind requries little in the way accurate spelling to interpret the meaing of a word and or sentence.  while this uses symbols the same can be said if a sentence or paragraph starts and finishes every word with the correct letter, as such  the ones in the middle can be inaccurate and have little need other than to fill a space.  This exercise is similar.

[tomeee]

Ten humorous anecdotes about living in America:

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[GFICO]

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching theSuper Bowl? 
A. The Dallas Cowboys 

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common? 
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "JesusChrist".   

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard? 
A. Put up a goal post. 

Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old   

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollarbill? 
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. 

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl? 
A. Nobody remembers. 

Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common? 
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!   

[squibber]

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching theSuper Bowl? 
A. The Dallas Cowboys 

Q. What do the Dallas Cowboys and Billy Graham have in common? 
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "JesusChrist".   

Q. How do you keep a Dallas Cowboy out of your yard? 
A. Put up a goal post. 

Q. What do you call a Dallas Cowboy with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old   

Q. What's the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollarbill? 
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill. 

Q. How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to win a Super Bowl? 
A. Nobody remembers. 

Q. What do the Cowboys and a possums have in common? 
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

How about this:

Q. What do the Cowboys and prostitutes have in common?
A. Both spend a lot of time on their back. (or horizontal)

[babywhales]

Here is a good one...

[LennG]

LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL

According to a news report, a certain private school in  Washington was recently faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.  She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.   (You can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers ... and then there are educators. 

[St Marys]

My Maths teacher asked class to draw a square.
So I drew a circle.

Him: "You're an idiot, go stand in the corner"
Me: "Where's that?"

[vette5573]

LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL

According to a news report, a certain private school in  Washington was recently faced with a unique problem...

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.  She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.   (You can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers ... and then there are educators. 

[St Marys]

My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't be enough to ruin our sex life. 
That may well be the case, but I'd still prefer it if she didn't have one.

[Grime Time]

My Thai girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn't be enough to ruin our sex life. 
That may well be the case, but I'd still prefer it if she didn't have one.

That's awesome

[dasher]

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a
couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the
golfer mumbles to himself. Just then, a stranger walks up beside him
and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one-fourth of your sex
life?" Thinking the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless,
the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says,
"Sure," and sinks the putt. Two holes later, he mumbles to himself
again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same
stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving
up another fourth of your sex life?" Shrugging, the golfer replies,
"Okay." And he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs
another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the
stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match
be worth giving up the rest of your sex life?" "Definitely," the
golfer replies, and he makes the eagle. As the golfer is walking to
the club house, the stranger walks alongside him and says, "I haven't
really been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the
Devil, and from this day forward you will have no sex life." "Nice to
meet you," the golfer replies, "I'm Father O'Malley."

[dasher]

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER

Dating Service Commercial (Jon Lajoie)

[Sect122Mike]

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE DISCLAIMER

Dating Service Commercial (Jon Lajoie)

Jon Lajoje is pretty funny.  He stars as Taco in the FX Network show "the League" about a group of friends who play fantasy football.  He is really funny.  He makes his money as a stand-up. I've seen him a couple/few times, he is very good.