Just a joke

[Sem]

AND.... I can still quote "Invictus" by William Earnest Henley absolutely perfectly....thanx to my English teacher at JFS.

Mr. Hines?  I never had him, but a friend of mine did. I remember Mr. Miller (math teacher) used to be in on it too because he used to corner kids with the Invictus demand. Later in life I became friends with Mr. (Mike) Miller whose daughters and our daughter became good friends. He lost one of his girls in a tragic car accident.

[drakew]

To make it even worse, Hines was my crosscountry coach.....he nailed me in the furniture department of the Grand Way, behind the old McDonalds

[LennG]

The handsome man with the big blue tie walks into a bar and orders a Gevalia dark roast.

Why

because he just has too much free time on his hands.



Moral--Go back to work.

[The Chief]

BLONDE IN
ALABAMA CHURCH

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,

[bamagiantfan]

            *Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she
            used to and he thought *
            *she might need a hearing aid.*

            *Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family
            Doctor to discuss the problem. ;*
            *The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the
            husband could perform to give the *
            *Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.*

            *'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40
            feet away from her, and in a normal *
            *conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If
            not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and *
            *so on until you get a response.' *

            *That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner,
            and he was In the den.   He says to himself, *
            *'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then
            in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, *
            *what's for dinner?' *
            *No response. *

            *So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30
            feet from his wife and repeats, *
            *'Peg, what's for dinner?' *
            *Still no response. *

            *Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20
            feet from his Wife and asks, *
            *'Honey, what's for dinner?'*
            *Again he gets no response. *

            *So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
            'Honey, what's for dinner?'*
            *Again there is no response.*

            *So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?' *

            *'For God sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'*

[MightyGiants]

[bamagiantfan]

Father:

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Bob picked up a hitchhiker last night. The hitchhiker seemed surprised that he would give a complete stranger a ride and asked, "Thanks, but why would you pick me up? How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

Bob replied, "the odds of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time would be astronomical"

[LennG]

A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls
out a freezing needle to give the man a shot to numb him.

'No way. No needles. I hate needles.' says the patient.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man
again objects.'I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having
the gas mask on is suffocating to me.'

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking
a pill.

'No objection,' the patient says, 'I am fine with pills.'

The dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'

The patient says, 'Wow - I didn't know Viagra works as a pain killer!'

'It doesn't,' says the dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto while I'm pulling your tooth.'

[The Chief]

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.   And...

6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE amazing fact is, the higher you go in the corporate structure, the
smaller your balls become.


There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.

[Cr00zng]

Kids are smart... 

[LennG]

 A young New York City woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Hudson River. Just before she could throw herself from the bridge, a handsome young man stopped her.
>
> "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day and keep you happy."
>
> With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.
>
> That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold.
>
> >From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine and make love to her until dawn.
>
> Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
>
> "What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
>
> "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy."
>
> "I see," the captain said.
>
> Her conscience got the better of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."
>
> "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

[LennG]

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely, I can't look that old ?

My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.
I noticed his DDS Diploma on the wall, which bore his full name.
Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my school class some 40 years ago.
Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back then?
Upon seeing him, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man, with the deeply lined face, was way too old to have been my classmate.
After he examined my teeth I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

[LennG]

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"

[Sem]

You