Just a joke

[LennG]

That one joke that Lenn posted made me laugh.



Reminded me of an old western I watched years and years ago - maybe more than 50 years ago, but it struck me so funny that I never forgot it.

A cowboy had gotten shot and in great pain, he went to the doctor to have the bullet removed. As the doc set up his tools and the patient was lying on the operating table, there was a bottle of whiskey on the doc's tool box. The injured cowboy grabbed the bottle and said, "thanks doc, this might help a little". The doc slapped him and grabbed the bottle away and said, "get your hands off that whiskey, that's not for you, that's for me when I'm operating" 

Always made me laugh

Good to have you back Ric.       

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A little boy came downstairs crying.

His mother asked, "What's the matter now?"

"Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said the little boy through his tears.

"That's not serious," soothed his mother, "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something as silly as that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed the little boy 

[Jolly Blue Giant]

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker stepped up next to me, grabbed my drink, and gulped it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about this?", he says, menacingly, as I started to burst into tears.

"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting so my boss fired me today. Then I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. Got home and found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me."

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to my life, I bought a drink, dropped a capsule of cyanide in it, and was sitting here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

[LennG]

an oldie but still a goodie


One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school. "You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don't look a day over 40!" Rob exclaimed. "I feel like I'm 40 too!" replied John. "That's incredible" exclaimed Rob, "Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?" "Did I say he was dead?" asked John. "He's 81 and is more active then ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!" responded John. "Whoa! Well how old was your Grandfather when he died?" "Did I say he died" asked John. Rob was amazed. "He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He's actually getting married this week!" "Getting married?!" Rob asked. If he's 105, why on earth does he want to get married?! John looked at Rob and replied, "Did I say he wanted to?"

[LennG]

Mid week funnies, and maybe a few 'smart' thoughts

[rexhandler]

i dont know much about switzerland but heard their flag is a big plus

[Ed Vette]

Pope Chauffeur

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, and he doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican , and I 'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says The Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the Cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief:  'Governor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'He's got the Pope as a chauffeur!'     👀😂

[MightyGiants]

Good point

[Slugsy-Narrows]

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[Slugsy-Narrows]

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[Jolly Blue Giant]

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Maybe I'm a little dense (no maybe about it LOL), but I don't get this at all. Still scratching my head trying to find the humor in it 

[Slugsy-Narrows]

Maybe I'm a little dense (no maybe about it LOL), but I don't get this at all. Still scratching my head trying to find the humor in it 

He's jacking off in the kitchen


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[Jolly Blue Giant]

He's jacking off in the kitchen


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[Slugsy-Narrows]

Lmao more punny then funny


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[Jolly Blue Giant]