Just a joke

[Ed Vette]

.

[LennG]

Johnny Carson was always one funny dude.

Here is a hilarious skit he did on politicians who lie.

https://youtu.be/hef7v6fp_DQ

[LennG]

GRAMMAR LESSON



Is it "complete", "finished", or "completely finished" No English
dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between
these two words - "Complete" or "Finished"

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by
supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man,
was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over five
minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between
COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people
say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.'

Here is his astute answer

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. "When you marry the
wrong woman, you are FINISHED. "And when the right one catches you
with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!

[Sem]

What the hell?!?!?

[AZGiantFan]

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning It was a fine spring day in his new mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter ?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the Good Father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites !"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.........
Father O'Malley then replied, "Aye, 'tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

[LennG]

.....the Process of Ageing.....it goes something like this....


Two guys grow up together, but after graduating from Sydney University, one moves to Brisbane and the other to Adelaide.

They agree to meet every ten years in Melbourne to play golf.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.

"Where do you wanna go?"

"Bonkers."

"Why Bonkers?"

"They have those very attractive topless waitresses."

"You're on."


At age 42, they meet and play golf again.

"Where do you wanna go for lunch?"

"Bonkers."

"Again? Why?"

"They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and starting-price betting."

"OK."


At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where do you wanna go for lunch?

"Bonkers.

"Why?"

"The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking."

"OK."


At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, "Where do you wanna go?"

"Bonkers."

"Why?"

"Chicken-wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy."

"Good choice"


At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says,"Where shall we go for lunch?"

"Bonkers."

"Why?"

"They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts."

"Great choice."

At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?"

"Bonkers."

"Why?"

"Because we've never been there before."

"Okay, let's give it a try."

[MightyGiants]

Suspended Coffees  · Follow
Poster based in Ireland  ·
4d
  ·
😁😁...I had to share this!
I know I shouldn't have done this, but I am 83 years old and I was in the McDonald's drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn and started mouthing something because I was taking too long to place my order. So when I got to the first window
I paid for her order along with my own. The cashier must have told her what I'd done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you.", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.
When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too. Now she has to go back to the end of the queue and start all over again,
Don't blow your horn at old people, they have been around a long time.🤣😂🙋�♀️

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A little Valentine's Day humor

A guy walks to the post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on pink envelopes with hearts. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over.

His curiosity, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he doing.

Says, "I'm sending out one thousand Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies

[LennG]

The Sunday funnies

[Ed Vette]

Lenny and Doris watching a game.

[LennG]

Lenny and Doris watching a game.

 How'd you know??

        

[MightyGiants]

[MightyGiants]

[LennG]

 Not really a joke but a cool clip

John Wayne teaches people to swim

https://youtu.be/pIJrIuLwjM8

[LennG]

Funnies