Just a joke

[AZGiantFan]

[Ed Vette]

Your finest work! 

[AZGiantFan]

Your finest work! 

As is always the case, I get these from elsewhere and curate a selection.  I enjoy them and I'm glad you do too.

[AZGiantFan]

12 LESSONS YOU'VE LEARNED SINCE BECOMING A SENIOR

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

#2 - "In Style" means the clothes that still fit.

#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."

#6 - "On time" is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound..

#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

#9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age and hope you never will..

. . . Plus one more

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave the house.

--------------------------------------------

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You are not sure these are jokes

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Some good stuff in there, Rich - most of it really true. It has some advantages, I suppose. For instance, I wanted to watch the second season of "Lincoln Lawyer". But I said to myself, "I need to refresh myself about the first season (which I raved about and told others to watch it) and I discovered that it was almost like watching it for the first time    I barely remembered any of it. Second season seems pretty good, but they only give you the first 5 episodes. I'll probably have to watch that over again before plowing into the second half of the season when it finally drops

Getting old sucks

[AZGiantFan]

Some good stuff in there, Rich - most of it really true. It has some advantages, I suppose. For instance, I wanted to watch the second season of "Lincoln Lawyer". But I said to myself, "I need to refresh myself about the first season (which I raved about and told others to watch it) and I discovered that it was almost like watching it for the first time    I barely remembered any of it. Second season seems pretty good, but they only give you the first 5 episodes. I'll probably have to watch that over again before plowing into the second half of the season when it finally drops

Getting old sucks

That's why I only watch series that have ended.

[AZGiantFan]

Jack had just completed his round. He was sitting in the locker room changing when he answered a call.

"Hi honey, how was your round today?"

"Great," Jack answers. "The best round I ever played."

"That's great!" the voice on the other end said. 'The reason I am calling is there's a Prada handbag on sale. It's still expensive, but I have always wanted one.

"Get it. Put it on my credit card," Jack responds.

"Oh, thank you!" she responds.

"You know what, why don't you go to the Mercedes dealership and get that new car you want?" Jack added.

Astounded, she says, "You're in for an extra special treat when you get home."

Feeling empowered, she goes on...


"Honey, can we talk about that trip to Italy we have dreamed about since we got married?"

"I agree, call our travel agent and book it," Jack responded. "Reserve first class tickets and book 5-star hotels, too. We earned it."

The woman was astounded! They hang up and Jack continues to change and a few other members walk into the locker room.

Jack stands up and asks, "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"













Too soon?







A Mom is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns.

"It is not polite."

"OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"Those are enough questions, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," said the friend, "All you need to do is look at her driver's license.

It's like a report card; it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?"

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and Daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks.

"Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

[Ed Vette]

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[Sem]

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Good one Ed. Boy did I hear that song a ton of times when our grandkids were younger.

[MightyGiants]

Lol

[Ed Vette]

.

[MightyGiants]

https://twitter.com/LakewoodPDCO/status/1689051245867409411?

[ozzie]

If true, that's just crazy!!

[MightyGiants]

If true, that's just crazy!!

It's true, I heard it on the news before seeing the pictures

[Ed Vette]

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