"She is not good enough for him"

[squibber]

Since it's slow here I wonder if this sounds familiar to anyone.

When my mother got engaged, my father's two aunts told my mother she is not good enough for him because she is cross eyed.

When I got engaged to my current wife, my mother told me she is not happy. It was frustrating because I was 38 at the time. Did she want me to risk not finding love just to meet her standards?

My son got engaged last Christmas and my wife is unhappy about his choice. She feels he could do better. There are a number of reasons she feels that way. Whenever she comes over, she is quiet and seems like she doesn't want to be here. She only speaks when spoken to. She is not perfect but she is a good person and they get along well. I'm more open minded than my wife.

[T200]

Ahhh, good ol' family dynamics. Some people hit it off right away and others take time to develop into good, solid relationships. There's some give and take required on both sides, mostly on the part of the family welcoming in the newbie. It's a delicate dance for a lot of people to get out of their comfort zones and accept people for their differences.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

IMO - and I used to argue with my wife (now ex), was that we don't "own" our children other than we're responsible for raising them to respect others, become responsible adults, and to strive to be their best, etc. My argument was always that our kids are "individuals", and they will carve out their own life however they want. We can either embrace their decisions and get to be part of their lives until we die, or we can attempt to run them after they are adults and eventually be no part of their lives

The hardest thing for my wife to grasp, was that our kids - even though she gave birth to them - are "individuals", and trying to live our lives through them will only drive them away. They will make mistakes, just like we did. But at some point, you have to let them go to do their own thing and adults having supporting parents is the most important thing empty-nesters can give their adult children

[Ed Vette]

Sounds like a woman/motherly Marie Barone thing. Although I remember many years ago the old man commented negatively to me on the side about a woman I brought by the house. He was right. And no, it wasn't Linda. lol

I would have to have very, very serious reservations to make a bad comment to a friend or family member about who they were dating or engaged to. Like knowing the guy was a scumbag or the gal was a putana. I did however have a startling dream about the man someone close to me was engaged to and I told the father who is close to me, not knowing how to truly interpret it but the dream was not good. Never told her about it. I got to know the guy and it eased my reservations. Regardless, I never would have mentioned anything to her.

People have happy marriages, bad marriages, and marriages that end in divorce. So, unless someone's live is at stake, MYOB.     

[LennG]

 My son was brought up as a Modern Orthodox Jew in that he kept all KOsher laws, he kept the Sabbath, and everything else that is associated with his religion.
So what does he do, goes out and marries the first shiska ( Jewish word for a non-Jewish female). To say my wife wasn't happy is putting it mildly. So almost 15 years and 4 grandchildren letter, things have changed dramatically. We all make concessions and attitudes change. Would we still wish he would have married in his faith, yes, but it is what it is and we accepted that. What choice did we have, sever all relationships? Not a chance.
Technically, because the mother isn't of Jewish faith, none of the children are considered Jewish either. We still love them all though.           

[Ed Vette]

My son was brought up as a Modern Orthodox Jew in that he kept all KOsher laws, he kept the Sabbath, and everything else that is associated with his religion.
So what does he do, goes out and marries the first shiska ( Jewish word for a non-Jewish female). To say my wife wasn't happy is putting it mildly. So almost 15 years and 4 grandchildren letter, things have changed dramatically. We all make concessions and attitudes change. Would we still wish he would have married in his faith, yes, but it is what it is and we accepted that. What choice did we have, sever all relationships? Not a chance.
Technically, because the mother isn't of Jewish faith, none of the children are considered Jewish either. We still love them all though.           

He knew in his heart that Doris would accept her and them or he would have made other choices. Other men and women faced with that situation or of an  interracial relationship may have either broken it off or become estranged. Ultimately love prevailed.

[Bob In PA]

Since it's slow here I wonder if this sounds familiar to anyone.

When my mother got engaged, my father's two aunts told my mother she is not good enough for him because she is cross eyed.

When I got engaged to my current wife, my mother told me she is not happy. It was frustrating because I was 38 at the time. Did she want me to risk not finding love just to meet her standards?

My son got engaged last Christmas and my wife is unhappy about his choice. She feels he could do better. There are a number of reasons she feels that way. Whenever she comes over, she is quiet and seems like she doesn't want to be here. She only speaks when spoken to. She is not perfect but she is a good person and they get along well. I'm more open minded than my wife.

squib: Every mom worth her salt feels that way about her children. It's not a thing to worry about, IMO. Just try to encourage her to talk only to you about it, never to your son. Sometimes moms get it wrong, but sometimes they hit the nail on the head. Bob

[LennG]

He knew in his heart that Doris would accept her and them or he would have made other choices. Other men and women faced with that situation or of an  interracial relationship may have either broken it off or become estranged. Ultimately love prevailed.

 Maybe Ed, but I wouldn't have bet on that. But, as the original theme is, we can only raise our kids a certain way. After that, we need to let them fly on their own and make their own way. We may not be happy with the path that they chose to take, but, after that, the ball is in our court as one might say. We can either accept it and move on as a family or cut ties (as I have seen several families do). As for Wade, he does what he feels is right for his life and family. Maybe he isn't completely happy his children aren't considered Jewish, but we will never know that as I would never but in and ask. As I said, we have accepted their lifestyle and like it all or not, we have moved on.

[bamagiantfan]

Maybe Ed, but I wouldn't have bet on that. But, as the original theme is, we can only raise our kids a certain way. After that, we need to let them fly on their own and make their own way. We may not be happy with the path that they chose to take, but, after that, the ball is in our court as one might say. We can either accept it and move on as a family or cut ties (as I have seen several families do). As for Wade, he does what he feels is right for his life and family. Maybe he isn't completely happy his children aren't considered Jewish, but we will never know that as I would never but in and ask. As I said, we have accepted their lifestyle and like it all or not, we have moved on.

It is nice to see the virtue of tolerance practiced in this day and age of polarization. We could all do well to look at our similarities rather than our differences. While I wish at times my children would have made different choices I can't help but think maybe the problem is with me and not with them. They have to find their own way in the world, even if it pushes me a little off center.

One of my favorite quotes, "God has a plan for me. I don't understand the plan, and that appears to be part of the plan."