Keep having dreams of my deceased brother. Why?

[squibber]

Some of you guys are good armchair psychologists so maybe you can solve this mystery.

My brother died in 2008 at the age of 55. He was two years older than me. Since then I have had probably 100 dreams of him. We are either arguing, wrestling or boxing each other.

Truthfully, I didn't like him. He was very tempermental, selfish, bossy and lazy. His temper would go from zero to ten in one second. Growing up, he was not good to me. He would yell at me and mock me from time to time.  My father died when I was 22 and since then he would badly treat my mother. My mother wasn't bright. He would frequently yell at her or put her down.

Here is an example of his temper. When I was in college, I was talking with a friend on the phone and we were deciding where to go that night. It was a Sunday night. We decided to go to my brother's college Ratskellar for beers. My brother was lying on the floor watching TV. I asked him if the Ratskellar was open on Sunday. In one second, he stood up and screamed "How the hell do I know!!!"

Here is an example of his selfishness. My father bought his first car when my brother was 17. My brother used the car almost all the time for school, work and partying on weekends. I got my driver's license when I was 20. About the same time I started dating for the first time. I asked him if we could share the car on weekends. He would have it one night and I would have it on the other night. When I have the car, one of his friends could easily pick him up to go out. He yelled at me saying "I work hard all week and I don't want to know nothing!"

He treated me better when I was in my late 30's probably because one day I will be the only real family he has. I always felt anxiety when I was around him, especially when my mother was around. I never knew when he would blow up at my mother.

I was going through things growing up and I wish I had an older brother who I could go to or could look out for me. Anyway, what do the dreams mean to you?

[Ed Vette]

Unresolved issues with your brother and similar issues with others you may be facing in your life currently. You tend to store this pent up rage and you hate that in yourself. There is a theory that everyone in our dreams is us in disguise. These are issues you are wrestling within yourself. All these are connected. Look for any symbols in these dreams and look them up. They may give additional clues. Such as an animal or insect or a color. Perhaps a door or entranceway, water that is turbulent...

[DaveBrown74]

I have zero training or legitimaste expertise in this area, although I have read plenty of articles and one or two books in my life about dreams.

I agree with Ed that the main premise is the issues were unresolved. You did not say how he died, and to be clear I am not asking you to share that, but maybe if his death itself was in some way traumatic for you he is spending a lot of time in your subconscious for that reason.

I think Ed is probably onto something that this pattern of dreams isn't just about the past with your brother but is probably relating to your present-day life in some way. Could your brother in your dreams be representing someone else in your current present-day life?

Again, I don't really know what I'm talking about any more than the average layperson. I have consistently seen advice given to keep a "dream journal." Basically spending 5-10 minutes every morning jotting down any details of the dream you can remember. Ultimately, doing that might help you understand them better. And if they're causing you stress or other issues, having a dream journal would be helpful if you were to decide to speak to a professional about this.

[squibber]

My brother died in his sleep at age 55 and I assume it was heart related. I am 100% sure his heavy drinking and cocaine use was a factor. Perhaps he self medicated a lot because of anxiety and depression issues. I'm not sure but I wonder if his explosive temper was a sign of anxiety and depression. His temper was likely the cause he never got married. He had failed relationships.

Interesting thought that these dreams may be related to a present day issue. Off hand I'm not sure what that might be. I'll have to give it a lot of thought.

[LennG]

Really don't have a clue but I am sorry for your family's losses at such young ages.

[Bill Brown]

My younger brother died in May of 2021. We were quite close. Very seldom did a couple of days go by without some form of communication. We loved talking sports so that drove a lot of the talk. My older brother died in January of this year. We were not close at all. He lived in Georgia and I'm in Maine so only saw each other very rarely. Hardly any communication. A few times a year. I can't remember having a dream about either one. I very rarely remember any dream.

Sorry for all of you have lost a sibling. It is a terrible feeling.

Bill

[Bob In PA]

Any or all of the above - or - nothing unusual about thinking about a family member who is deceased.

Were you close?  Do you have any other siblings?

Those are the two questions I would ask after being told what you wrote.

Bob

[squibber]

Bob, we weren't close and I don't have any other siblings.

[squibber]

It's possible that my dreams of my brother has to do with me being angry with myself for not standing up to his angry boorish behavior as much as I should have. I was very shy and not very assertive growing up.

[LennG]

B

My younger brother died in May of 2021. We were quite close. Very seldom did a couple of days go by without some form of communication. We loved talking sports so that drove a lot of the talk. My older brother died in January of this year. We were not close at all. He lived in Georgia and I'm in Maine so only saw each other very rarely. Hardly any communication. A few times a year. I can't remember having a dream about either one. I very rarely remember any dream.

Sorry for all of you have lost a sibling. It is a terrible feeling.

Bill

Sorry about your loss.

I also have a younger brother who lives in Colorado that we rarely see and speak only several times a year. We were also never close, as he is 6 years younger than me and we sort of come from two different generations. I was a kid from the 50's and he was a Woodstock kind of person. Still is a s a matter of fact. I as a sort of athlete as a kid, he was a book-worm, we just never had any common interests. That's the way it goes sometimes.

[Bob In PA]

It's possible that my dreams of my brother has to do with me being angry with myself for not standing up to his angry boorish behavior as much as I should have. I was very shy and not very assertive growing up.

squib: You are the person most likely to come up with the right answer, if there IS an actual answer.

Still, I see nothing unusual about it. You have no other siblings, you're getting old, etc., etc.

Also, the older you get, the more short-term stuff starts to fade away, leaving long-ago memories to attain more prominence.  He's one of those, but just one.

Bob

[DaveBrown74]

squib: You are the person most likely to come up with the right answer, if there IS an actual answer.

Still, I see nothing unusual about it. You have no other siblings, you're getting old, etc., etc.

Also, the older you get, the more short-term stuff starts to fade away, leaving long-ago memories to attain more prominence.  He's one of those, but just one.

Bob

Bob,

Very good point. I think sometimes some of us read too much into dreams. I've had bizarre ones myself, sometimes more than once. While I did not consult a psychiatrist about it, I did mention them once to my doctor, and his response was something to the effect of "unless they're causing you stress or fear, just ignore them and they'll probably stop." Which they did.

I'm not suggesting there is no meaning to Squibber's dreams. In fact there probably is. But dreams can be pretty random and meaningless. Think of all the "clutter" in our subconscious. I think sometimes dreams are just a smorgasbord of all of that.

Then again, what the hell do I know.

[squibber]

On a lighter note, I had two weird dreams lately.

Dream 1: I am sitting in a classroom and my teacher is Andy Griffith. He makes us open a math workbook and wants up to solve the formulas on both pages.

Dream 2: I am going down an escalator in a department store. I am holding my infant son. Ray Romano is at the bottom of the elevator. When I get to the bottom of the escalator, I ask Ray Romano to bless my son. He does the sign of the cross in front of my son. I thank him and told him my son is going to be an actor. Ray said "No, don't let him be an actor!".

[Bill Brown]

On a lighter note, I had two weird dreams lately.

Dream 1: I am sitting in a classroom and my teacher is Andy Griffith. He makes us open a math workbook and wants up to solve the formulas on both pages.

Dream 2: I am going down an escalator in a department store. I am holding my infant son. Ray Romano is at the bottom of the elevator. When I get to the bottom of the escalator, I ask Ray Romano to bless my son. He does the sign of the cross in front of my son. I thank him and told him my son is going to be an actor. Ray said "No, don't let him be an actor!".

Maybe you should share what you've been smoking.     

Bill

[LennG]

Bob,

Very good point. I think sometimes some of us read too much into dreams. I've had bizarre ones myself, sometimes more than once. While I did not consult a psychiatrist about it, I did mention them once to my doctor, and his response was something to the effect of "unless they're causing you stress or fear, just ignore them and they'll probably stop." Which they did.

I'm not suggesting there is no meaning to Squibber's dreams. In fact there probably is. But dreams can be pretty random and meaningless. Think of all the "clutter" in our subconscious. I think sometimes dreams are just a smorgasbord of all of that.

Then again, what the hell do I know.

I am definitely not trying to make light of Squib and his dreams, but since you mentioned smorgasbord, I just can not tell of the dream I had last night. I even remembered it and told my wife this morning. We we at our favorite Kosher Deli and I had ordered this huge Pastrami sandwich, which this particular deli is famous for. As soon as it was put on the table, the woman in the next booth jumped up and stole the sandwich and ran out the door with me in pursuit. I chased her all over but was not able to catch her.

So does this mean I am eating too much and this is a sign that I need to cut back?