parents more likely to find hitting children acceptable compared to hitting pets

[MightyGiants]

American parents hold conflicting beliefs about spanking, viewing it both as a form of hitting and as less severe than hitting. This study was published in the journal Psychology of Violence.

Elizabeth T. Gershoff and colleagues examined American parents' beliefs about spanking, a form of physical punishment legal across all U.S. states, but opposed by major health organizations for its documented harms to children. Despite growing evidence against its effectiveness, spanking is a common disciplinary method.

Motivated by the legal and cultural contradictions surrounding physical punishment, the researchers examined how parents reconcile their use of spanking with broader societal norms rejecting violence against adults and pets.

The study recruited 286 U.S. parents of children aged 0-8 years through Prolific. The final sample was predominantly White (85%), married (83%), and middle-income, with an average age of 33 years.

...

In evaluating the acceptability of hitting within families, parents were more likely to find hitting children (30%) acceptable compared to hitting pets (17%), spouses (1%), or elderly parents (0%). Parents' open-ended responses often justified spanking as a necessary disciplinary measure, particularly when other methods failed, or as a means to ensure children's safety in specific situations.

Interestingly, nearly one-third of parents reported that completing the survey prompted them to reconsider their views on spanking. Many highlighted the comparison between hitting children and other forms of family violence as a catalyst for this change, with some expressing regret about past instances of spanking.

https://www.psypost.org/american-parents-more-likely-to-find-hitting-children-acceptable-compared-to-hitting-pets/

[Bob In PA]

I don't find that information particularly surprising.

Human beings (even wee ones) can comprehend an explanation for such violence, assuming a rational one exists, and they may also be able to understand an apology or admission of an error offered a parent (if applicable).

Animals can only interpret being hit in one way, and apologies are meaningless to them.

Bob

[squibber]

My parents and I came from Sicily in 1956. I think my parents were raised with the belief that hitting children was acceptable. My father didn't use his belt often but when he did, it left an emotional mark on me especially if I felt I didn't deserve it.

When I was 6-7 years old I approached my father who was on a walk and I asked him for 25 cents. When I got home I asked my mother for 25 cents also. Both of them gave me 25 cents. I laid down on the floor and watched TV. Moments after my father got home my father whacked me in the butt really hard with the belt and said "Only ask one of us for money.".

When I was 8-9, I was playing in the playground with a bunch of kids. Across the street was a public grade school. It was the weekend and a teacher must have left a window cracked open. We all ran across the street and one of us reached the window and climbed inside. The kid then opened the entrance door. All the other kids ran in. Curiosity got the best of me and I went in too. All the kids were in the kindergarten room and they were throwing things around. Some paint bottles were smashed on the floor. I took a peek in the classroom and then I left. It wasn't my school by the way. On Monday a detective came to our apartment and the detective told us that the kids told him that I did the damage. I told my parents and detective that all I did was walk inside, took a look around and then left. I'm not sure if the detective believed me but nothing happened after that. After the detective left, I told my parents again that I didn't do it. My father whacked me several times with his belt in the butt anyway. I was hurt physically and emotionally because they didn't believe me.

The bottom line is spanking is wrong because you never know how it will affect your child. There are plenty of other ways to punish them.

[LennG]

First of all, you really need to be a parent to comment, at all, on something like this.


Second, what one may consider 'spanking' another might see it as just a pat on the butt. When I hear the word 'spanking' I see a sort of severe punishment, as we might have pictured in the days of the 30s when the father would take the child to the 'woodshed'. Maybe that was the idea of spanking back then, but not today. I also see the word 'spanking' and I think of a child with a 'red bottom', again something I just don't see a lot of in today's society.
Do parents slap their children, yes, I believe that is done to show that something was done that is way out of line. To a child, that means a lot as they are used to hugs and kisses. I definitely do not categorize that as 'spanking'.
I would say I was guilty of some of what I mentioned, but never what I believed to be a 'spanking'. If my young child ran into the street without looking, I would certainly want to discipline him/her and a slap on the bottom, to a child, that is not punishment but a deterrent. In books, it may not be what is 'the right way' but too many of those books are written by people who have no kids.

[squibber]

Lenn, I agree with you. A sting in the butt can be useful. In my case being hit by a belt by a strong man was excruciating. It didn't permanently scar me emotionally but it took me a long time to get over it.

[Ed Vette]

I was never hit as a child by my parents to my recollection. I was threatened with the slipper, and dodged a few close ones. And of course verbally abused in a foreign language. I know all the curse words. It's apparently an Italian thing. 

[squibber]

I was never hit as a child by my parents to my recollection. I was threatened with the slipper, and dodged a few close ones. And of course verbally abused in a foreign language. I know all the curse words. It's apparently an Italian thing. 

When my father was mad at me he would sometimes say to me something in Italian that was a bit disturbing. It translated to "I'll skin you like a lamb!"

[DaveBrown74]

I got spanked a couple of times as a kid. Once when I got sent home from school for the day for clowning around in class with a group of friends (I was maybe 8 or 9 then), and then another time when I was playing with matches with a friend of mine and we set some toilet paper on fire in the sink in one of our bathrooms. Both times i got slapped on the backside 2-3 times. There may have been one other times but those are the times I remember. Neither were particularly painful or overly aggressive, but when you're that age that is still a pretty jarring experience. Both times a comprehensive lecture followed. I think I recall my Dad hugging me as well after he was done with the lectures.

I had a great relationship with my father growing up and still do (he is 82 now). He was loving and very generous with his time with me, and he and my Mother made sacrifices for me and my brother. I don't resent him at all for those occasions, and I feel lucky to have had such great parents, although neither I nor my wife would ever dream of laying a hand on our daughter, and we'd feel the same way if we had a son. I guess times and attitudes just change.

[MightyGiants]

I grew up being spanked, with occasional face slaps and hair pulling as a kid (I am speaking young, it stopped before the end of grade school).  My parents even had a wooden paddle they would use from time to time.  That seemed to be the norm for my era of growing up.   I mean there were the rare kids I knew that never got hit, but generally as young people it was considered normal. 

Did the punishment do me harm?  Hard to say for sure, but I don't think so.  Did the punishment make me more inclined to "be good"?  Hard to say.  I don't ever recall fear of punishment factoring into my childhood decision making.  What I can recall was the after the fact dread of facing the punishment.

[DaveBrown74]

I grew up being spanked, with occasional face slaps and hair pulling as a kid (I am speaking young, it stopped before the end of grade school).  My parents even had a wooden paddle they would use from time to time.  That seemed to be the norm for my era of growing up.   I mean there were the rare kids I knew that never got hit, but generally as young people it was considered normal. 

Did the punishment do me harm?  Hard to say for sure, but I don't think so.  Did the punishment make me more inclined to "be good"?  Hard to say.  I don't ever recall fear of punishment factoring into my childhood decision making.  What I can recall was the after the fact dread of facing the punishment.

I think I recall reading an article a couple of decades ago on the subject of spanking that claimed that spanking children reactively was "ok", but that letting them know hours ahead of time that "they were going to get it when their father gets home" and having that actually happen was less ideal parenting.

I recall facing both scenarios. When I got caught red handed making a fire in the sink in our bathroom, my Dad was shocked and pissed, and he sent my friend home and he took me into his room, spanked me, sent my friend home (I remember his parents not being too happy about it either), and then lectured me about a half hour after that.

The time when I got suspended for the day from school led to my Mother being pretty ticked off, but I don't think she ever actually got physical with me. But my Dad put me over his knee when he got home that evening.

Those were probably the two worst things I did as a young kid (say pre-teen years). Generally my behavior was pretty decent. I wasn't a saint, but I didn't really get into major trouble. Most of my "trouble" was minor youthful mischief, almost none of which led to spankings.

Like you, I am really not sure if my behavior was made better than it would have been had my parents had a zero-spanking policy. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.

[LennG]

Sometimes verbal abuse is a lot worse than physical spankings.

[MightyGiants]

Sometimes verbal abuse is a lot worse than physical spankings.

Absolutely, the pain of the spanking faded quickly enough.  The verbal abuse can last a lifetime

[kartanoman]

Interesting feedback and probably not easy to share so thank you for those who shared their personal experiences and thoughts.

I was watching "All in the Family," this past Sunday night on MeTV, and it was the episode where Archie and Mike were in "Archie's Place" and Mike ended up locking both of them in the basement. Archie goes on his usual belligerent tirade on the "Meathead" while the poor guy panics as he examines every square inch of the basement for an escape. Anyway, if you've seen this particular show, they find a bottle of booze, drink it, get drunk and, after talking about Archie's childhood (i.e. "Shoe-Booty"), he mentions his father and Mike tells Archie his father was wrong for all the prejudiced name-calling he taught his son. Archie gets pissed off at Mike at the unthinkable ... how can your father possibly be wrong? Then it all comes out how his father would take him to the park for long walks, bring him home candy and work his tail off to put a roof over his head and clothes on his back. Then he described his father's hand, and how he busted it on Archie's back end to teach him to do good. He locked him in the closet for hours to teach him to do good. As Mike's expression turns now to sadness, compassion and even pity, Archie tells him "You should always love your father because your father loves you! How can anyone who loves you tell you anything that is wrong?"

Such a sad and revealing set of lines that adds a complex and misunderstood depth to the bigoted character of Archie Bunker. "That's the way things were in those days." Were they, really? I can only imagine how hard The Great Depression was on the breadwinner of the family.

I have my own story, regarding this subject, as a child growing up in the 1970s AND as a stepfather, as well as a blood father, but it is very complex and, if you will forgive me, I am not at all comfortable sharing it at this time. What I will share is that this subject hits me to my very core and it has significantly impacted me throughout my entire life. There is no survey that can tell the story by simply polling a targeted audience. The fact is that it can and does originate from sources that you would least expect and, at times, right in front of your face without your prior knowledge.

I will leave it at that and, again, I do apologize for this somewhat awkward post. But I wanted to acknowledge and thank those who took a step of courage to share.

In peace (truly).

[LennG]

Chris

Thanks for sharing what you were able to
 Many of us, yourself included, have been posting on one of another Giant sites for many years
 Myself, I feel like some here are like a friend family. We share many intimate thoughts. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough sharing more of the story.

[kartanoman]

Chris

Thanks for sharing what you were able to
 Many of us, yourself included, have been posting on one of another Giant sites for many years
 Myself, I feel like some here are like a friend family. We share many intimate thoughts. Maybe one day you will feel comfortable enough sharing more of the story.

Hello Lenn and thank you for your kind words.

I do not mind sharing my story, but it is very complicated, and I am pretty sure that couldn't share my story in a concise manner and have it articulate what I really want to convey in my message.

If you'd like to get an idea, and would be patient with me, I would be happy to share it in piecemeal with you through PM, if you are interested.

Peace!