Just a joke

[LennG]

Always love a good Blond joke

Blondes are not stupid convention

80,000 Blondes Meet For A 'Blondes Are Not Stupid' Convention in Met Life Stadium

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

[T200]

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok."

Q: Why do husbands die before their wives?
A: Because they want to.

Q: Why are women's feet smaller than men's?
A: It's an evolutionary thing that allows them to get closer to the sink.

Yes, I'm married and I've told my wife those... while wearing a helmet and a cast iron pan covering the jewels 

[eilasidogruoy]

What does it mean when a woman is outside the kitchen?

Her chain is too long.

[eilasidogruoy]

A drummer had triplets recently. All girls.

Anna 1
Anna 2
Anna 3

[eilasidogruoy]

How do chocolate, Graham crackers and marshmallows communicate?

S'mores code

[Rosehill Jimmy]

For Golfers

A woman comes storming into the pro shop demanding to speak to the Pro.

[Sem]

A longtime boyfriend and girlfriend planned an evening at the bfs house consisting of dinner, a movie, and uh.........

The bf had bought a bunk bed set and wanted to show it to his gf after the movie. The bf told the gf not to go into the bedroom until after the movie was over.

Right after the movie ended the gf hurried into the bedroom while the bf was cleaning up the living room.

When the bf entered the bedroom he wasn't aware the gf had not noticed the bunk bed set.

The gf was totally naked and excitedly said to the bf "I wanna be on top." The bf said "Ok I'll get the ladder". The gf replied, "Well you think a lot of yourself don't you."

[LennG]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, the Greek mentioned: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo".
"Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But, it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."
"Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he was about to deliver the coup de grace, the Greek pointed out with a note of finality:
"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved...

[LennG]

Funny but true

[Sem]

Along the same lines...

[LennG]

Some Virus humor  -- we do need to laugh more these days



People keep asking

[LennG]

An assistant to Donald Trump told him she
had a fantastic dream last night. There was
a humongous parade down Pennsylvania
Avenue celebrating Trump.
MILLIONS lined the parade route, cheering
when the President went past. Bands were
playing; children were throwing confetti into
the air; there were balloons everywhere.
It was absolutely the BIGGEST
CELEBRATION
WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! Trump was
very impressed and said, "That's really great!
By the way, how did I look in your dream?
Was my hair okay?"
His assistant said,
....... "I couldn't tell, the casket was CLOSED".

[LennG]

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

[LennG]

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign:
"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering," said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?"

" First Place ," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

" First Place ," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio says "this is mine."

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Donald Trump?" asked Pinocchio.

[eilasidogruoy]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
I don