Just a joke

[LennG]

few more funnies

[MightyGiants]

[Jolly Blue Giant]

I told my son, "You will marry the girl I choose."

He said, "NO!"

I told him, "She is Bill Gates' daughter."

He said, "OK."

I called Bill Gates and said, "want your daughter to marry my son?"

Bill Gates said, "NO."

I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank."

Bill Gates said, "OK."

I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

He said, "NO."

I told him, "My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law.

He said, "OK."

This is how politics works.

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Now that I'm older... here's what I've discovered...

    1. I started out with nothing ... I still have most of it.
    2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All-Bran?
    3. I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
    4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
    5. All reports are in. Life is officially unfair.
    6. If all is not lost, where is it?
    7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
    8. I went to school to become a wit, but only got halfway through.
    9. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
    10. A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

[AZGiantFan]

A beautiful blonde was on a plane to Seattle in the coach section.  She got up and went forward and sat in a first class seat. 

The stewardess went up to her and said, "I'm sorry ma'am, you have a coach ticket and can't sit here.  You have to go back to your seat." 

The blonde replied, "I'm beautiful, I'm blonde, I'm going to Seattle, and I can sit anywhere I want."

Perplexed, the stewardess went to the cockpit and explained the situation.  The co-pilot said, "I'll go back and deal with it."

He goes back and says, "I'm sorry ma'am, you have a coach ticket and can't sit here.  You have to go back to your seat." 

The blonde replied, "I'm beautiful, I'm blonde, I'm going to Seattle, and I can sit anywhere I want."

The co-pilot goes back to  the cockpit and tells the captain what happened.  The captain says, "She's a blonde?  I'll take care of it.  My wife is a blonde and I speak fluent blonde."

He goes back and whispers in her ear.  She says, "Oh, thank you" and gets up and returns to her seat.  He goes back to the cockpit.  The astounded stewardess and co-pilot ask him what he told her.

He said, "I told her that only the coach section was going to Seattle, the first class section is going to San Fransisco."

[AZGiantFan]

I never realized that the stork delivered them fully dressed.

[AZGiantFan]

[Ed Vette]

Map of NYC according to my Urologist

[Jolly Blue Giant]

A redneck and a shyster were at a bakery

The redneck steals three pastries and slips them into his pocket. He turns to the shyster and says, "Pretty slick huh, bro? The owner didn't even see me."

Unimpressed, the shyster replies, "Typical dishonest redneck...I'll show you the honest way and still get the same result."

The redneck says, "This I gotta see"

So the shyster calls out to the owner of the shop and says, "Hey man, I want to show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner comes over. The shyster asks him for a pastry, which the owner gives him, and he eats it. He asks for another and eats that one, too. He asks for a third and eats that one as well.

The owner says, "C'mon, fella. Where's the magic trick?"

The shyster points to the redneck and says, "Check his pockets"

[LennG]

very successful attorney parked his brand new Porsche 911 Turbo in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he was getting out, a truck came barrelling down the road, drifted right and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the now door-less Porsche with his lights flashing.

Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his precious Porsche, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again, would never be the same.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief,

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said, "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!"
"OHH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. . . "My Rolex!"

[LennG]

After today's game, I need some humor

[LennG]

Sorry we need MORE humor after yesterday

[MightyGiants]

[LennG]

Few more cuties

[LennG]

funny, funny, funny


https://youtu.be/af15bNB_OtY