Just a joke

[LennG]

 I'll be away for a week so here are a few more

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Making up for lost time

[Sem]

In Ancient Rome there were basically 4 types of poisons. Poisons I II & III would kill you quickly.
Poison IV would just make you itchy.


A friend purchased two goldfish.
I said "what do you call them?"
He said "one and two"
I replied "those are strange names"
He said "not really, if one dies I still have two."


What do you call babies born in a whore house?
Brothel sprouts.


I went to the "World's tiniest wind turbine" exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.


I didn't do a marathon in 2020. I didn't do any in 2021, 2022, and 2023 either.
It's a running joke.


A guy bought two horses but he couldn't tell them apart so he decided to measure them. He found that the white horse was three inches taller than the black horse.


I was in the card section of the store the other day to find a nice "Get Better Soon" card for my tennis partner.
He's not sick.
I just hope he gets better. Soon.


I always promise to have just 2 beers and be home by 10.
Then my dyslexia kicks in.


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[Ed Vette]

In Ancient Rome there were basically 4 types of poisons. Poisons I II & III would kill you quickly.
Poison IV would just make you itchy.


A friend purchased two goldfish.
I said "what do you call them?"
He said "one and two"
I replied "those are strange names"
He said "not really, if one dies I still have two."


What do you call babies born in a whore house?
Brothel sprouts.


I went to the "World's tiniest wind turbine" exhibit.
Honestly, not a big fan.


I didn't do a marathon in 2020. I didn't do any in 2021, 2022, and 2023 either.
It's a running joke.


A guy bought two horses but he couldn't tell them apart so he decided to measure them. He found that the white horse was three inches taller than the black horse.


I was in the card section of the store the other day to find a nice "Get Better Soon" card for my tennis partner.
He's not sick.
I just hope he gets better. Soon.


I always promise to have just 2 beers and be home by 10.
Then my dyslexia kicks in.


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.
The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

You're banned from telling jokes for one week.

[Sem]

That's fine Ed. It'll take me longer than a week to find more gems like these. 

[LennG]

We're back with a few new ones (I hope)

[Jolly Blue Giant]

[LennG]

If you think Steve had some 'groaners' try these out

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Since it's that season, here's a couple

[LennG]

funny

[LennG]

weekend laughs

First--Remember

[GIANTS1]

i heard that the last verse of sweet child of mine was like your beatles joke. guns an roses got to last verse an said "where do we go now" and it stuck an made up the last verse.

[LennG]

If my Body Were a Car!

 

This is just  so funny - scary how true it is!!!

 

If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull...

 

But that's not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it.



Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter,

Either My Radiator Leaks or My Exhaust Backfires !

--

[Jolly Blue Giant]

This picture really needs the old floor dimmer switch to be complete, but whatever


For Lenn

[LennG]

How many people does it take to fold up a baby stroller?

Hilarious