Just a joke

[LennG]

Some extra humor for Christmas Day

Memories of a time when things were a bit easier

[Sem]

[LennG]

 More silly humor

[LennG]

and another

[LennG]

Midweek funnies.

Some of these have been around for a while, but they are good enough to laugh at them

[LennG]

Great advice for us older folks on the real world.


Some morning imponderables to ponder...  FOR THE NEW YEAR





01. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

02. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

03. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

04. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

05. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

06. Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

07. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

08. Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in refrigerator?

09. As I've grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but
pissing everyone off is a piece of cake!

10. I'm responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

11. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

12. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there's a new strain out there.

14. It's not my age that bothers me - it's the side effects.

15. I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.

16. As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

17. As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy-efficient.

18. I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

19. If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

20. Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

21. I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

22. I'm on two simultaneous diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

23. I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

24. My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

25. Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

26. My wife says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

27. There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

[LennG]

Last funnies of the year

More A student's work

[LennG]

post Christmas humor

[Sem]

[LennG]

Lets start the week off

[Jolly Blue Giant]

This could actually go in the "What are we watching" thread

[LennG]

A man is driving down the road with a bunch of penguins in the back seat of his car. The police stop him and tell the man that he cannot drive down the road with that many penguins in his car, it's illegal. They inform him that he needs to take the penguins to the zoo right away. He is pulled over again the following day by the same police officer when the officer notices all the penguins still in the man's car. He says to the man, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" to which the man replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies."

[Jolly Blue Giant]

Lenn, that joke is so corny - it's funny only because it's so bad 

 

[LennG]

A true oldie but still a goodie


A blonde gets on a plane bound for Chicago and leaves her seat in economy to sit in first class. When the flight attendant tells her she has to go back to economy because she didn't pay for a first class ticket, the blonde says, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful and I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here in this seat." The flight attendant and the blonde repeat this process a few times before the attendant gets the pilot. The same thing happens to the pilot when he tries to talk to the blonde. He goes back to the cockpit and begins to radio the tower for assistance when the co-pilot asks him to wait just a second. "I'm married to a blonde," he tells the captain. "I speak blonde, let me handle it." He goes up to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry," before getting up and going back to her economy seat. "How did you do that?" his colleagues ask him. "Easy. I told her first class isn't going to Chicago."

[LennG]

Lenn, that joke is so corny - it's funny only because it's so bad 

 

Ha, Ric.  If it brought a smile to your face it was worth it.