Just a joke

[LennG]

And a few more

[LennG]

Everyone can use a little

[LennG]

1. ARBITRAITOR
  A cook who leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

  2. BERNADETTE
  The act of torching a mortgage.

  3. BURGLARIZE
  What a crook sees through.

  4. AVOIDABLE
  What a bullfighter tries to do.

  5. COUNTERFEITER
  Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

  6. LEFT BANK
  What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

  7. HEROES
  What a man in a boat does.

  8. PARASITES
  What you see from the Eiffel Tower.

  9. PARADOX
  Two physicians.

  10. PHARMACIST
  A helper on a farm.

  11. RELIEF
  What trees do in the spring.

  12. RUBBERNECK
  What you do to relax your wife.

  13. SELFISH
  What the owner of a seafood store does.

  14. SUDAFED
  Brought litigation against a government official.

[LennG]

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding  through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little Jewish man standing at a small, makeshift display rack, selling neckties.
The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"
The old man replied, "I have no water.  Would you like to buy a tie? They are only five dollars."
The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel!  I do not need such an overpriced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!"
"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and  only five dollars."
"Pahh!  A curse on your ties!  I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"
"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie  from me, or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me  Infidel.  I will show you that I am bigger than any of  that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two kilometres, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace".
Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban  staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped, "They won't let  me in without a tie."

[LennG]

 more funnies

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MORE

[LennG]

Different generations

[Sem]

Is this a joke?

[LennG]

todays funnies

[T200]

todays funnies

I've had the dead/stupid one posted in my office for some time. One of my faves lol

[LennG]

Airplane humor

[LennG]

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life.

After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
Later, the priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all"
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

[LennG]

todays funnies

[LennG]

The Outhouse

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter, and stank all the time.

The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and started pushing. Finally the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.

Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why.

The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."


The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."

[LennG]

THE FIRST BLOND MAN JOKE

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work
on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and
cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm
going
to jump off this building."

The Mexican! opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If
I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a
bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his
death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would
have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos
or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."




Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,

"Don't look at me. The idiot made his own lunch."